Mitch
Crawled Through 5 FB Fields
(AP/UPI) LOS ANGELES---BREAKING NEWS
The Final Rose Ceremony---April 28, 2016
In a stunning and unprecedented move, the NFL has agreed to delay the start of the 2016 NFL Draft by one hour in order to accommodate a blockbuster full-hour ABC Special Presentation of The Bachelorette.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who reportedly received a briefcase packed with an undisclosed quantity of cash from ABC and their affiliates in order to promote the first pick of the 2016 NFL Draft in epic and Hollywood-style fashion, had this to say at his press conference this morning:
"The NFL is extremely excited to welcome back the Rams to Los Angeles. Last week when the Rams made the bold move to trade up for the number one pick, what we didn't know is that for the last few weeks our long-time friends at ABC have been orchestrating impromptu episodes of The Bachelorette."
Suddenly and shockingly the commissioner's press conference took a dramatic turn when ABC's Chris Harrison emerged from behind the curtains and was summoned by Goodell to the microphone. Here is what the affable Harrison had to say:
"Welcome NFL fans everywhere. As you likely know, the LA Rams are in the process of trying to decide between QBs Jared Goff of California and Carson Wentz of North Dakota St. We at The Bachelorette had known for weeks that the Rams were going to do all they could to move up to the top spot in the draft. Thus, we made a call to Los Angeles' own Olivia Rosenbloom, the lovely daughter of Chip Rosenbloom, the co-owner of the Rams and son of the late Georgia Frontier and Carroll Rosenbloom."
Harrison continued, "We asked Olivia if she would be interested in becoming the NFL's first bachelorette. Then we asked Jared Goff and Carson Wentz if they were interested in being wooed by Olivia for what could wind up being the ultimate American Dream! Just imagine---experiencing the utter thrill of hearing your name called as the 1st player chosen in the NFL Draft and then having the opportunity to marry the woman of your dreams all within a matter of hours and days!"
"Well, we are ecstatic to announce that Jared and Carson could not have been more enthusiastic about our proposal and now---this week---not only are Jared and Carson spending their days meeting with the Rams, they are spending their evenings on mini-dates with Olivia. On each of the player's final night in LA, as is the tradition on The Bachelorette, they will be given the unique opportunity to spend an evening with Olivia in the Honeymoon cottage."
"Of course, ABC will be there every step of the way---from the first time Jared and Carson step out of the limo to meet Olivia to the final rose ceremony which will take place on April 28th, the night of the NFL Draft from---get this---from---of all places---the Rose Bowl in Pasadena!"
"It gets even better!" Harrison exclaimed. "Wait till you hear this! On hand right there at the Rose Bowl will be all the Rams' major representatives from owners Stan Kroenke, Chip Rosenbloom and HBO's Ray Donovan to general manager Les Snead to head coach Jeff Fisher and all of the members of the Rams, headed by Todd Gurley, Tavon Austin and Aaron Donald."
"After Olivia declares who she is giving the final rose to, you might ask well how then can the loser not be at the draft in Chicago to hear his name called? Well, we at ABC have taken care of that---because we will have Howie Roseman (how fitting!), the general manager of the Philadelphia Eagles present a jersey, green carnations and hugs to the runner-up.
"It will be live TV drama the likely of which we have never seen before."
"And what a way to welcome the Rams back to LA!"
"So what i would like to do is bring Olivia out at this time and she will say a few words about how excited she is and how difficult a decision this is shaping up to be. Olivia!"
As she swims through the curtains, Olivia's shiny chestnut brown hair is flowing backward amidst the gusts from the off-the-set wind machine. Her smoky eyes and all aflame and her lips are sparkling in rose-colored gloss.
"Hello! Wow! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever dreamt something like this! I am so excited. I have to tell you having been on a couple of dates with Jared and Carson already, this is going to be the most difficult decision of my life. Not only is my married life depending on this, so is the future of the LA Rams! And I have to tell you, I have already developed deep feelings for both Jared and Carson. Jared is the classic strapping blonde from Marin County. Wow, right?---He is a little shy at first but, when he warms up to you, he has such a cozy, witty personality. And Carson? Wow. If it weren't for The Bachelorette, he would without a doubt be the number one prize catch on FarmersOnly.com. He is a brawny and gregarious Bismark boy who comes out swinging."
"Early next week I get to meet Jared's family up in Novato, California before flying off for a day and night to Bismark, North Dakota to meet Carson's family. I am a little nervous, but very excited to meet my future in-laws, whoever they will be!"
Olivia remained for a short Q & A by the sports reporters. The most important question came from ESPN's Sal Palantonio: "Is the decision going to be your choice or the Rams' or a mutually agreed one?"
"I've been told by ABC and the Rams that this decision will be totally mine---after all, a girl has to be certain about who her husband is. That's only fair."
"But what if the Rams feel that they like one QB better?" Sal Pal queried.
"They have told me that they are so divided about which one to pick that they welcome my decision. But let's not forget, my family has a part ownership of the Rams and I wanna win!"
At the conclusion of the press conference Olivia turned the podium back to Chris Harrison who, with unbridled excitement, stated:
"What a monumental moment for TV and NFL fans this is going to be---to see whether it will be Jared...or...Carson...who will be holding up the Rams' #1 jersey...while he is holding up, of course, the most highly coveted prize of all...the final rose!"
"You won't want to miss this. You will be shocked at Olivia's decision. Absolutely shocked!" Harrison concluded.
The Final Rose Ceremony---April 28, 2016
In a stunning and unprecedented move, the NFL has agreed to delay the start of the 2016 NFL Draft by one hour in order to accommodate a blockbuster full-hour ABC Special Presentation of The Bachelorette.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who reportedly received a briefcase packed with an undisclosed quantity of cash from ABC and their affiliates in order to promote the first pick of the 2016 NFL Draft in epic and Hollywood-style fashion, had this to say at his press conference this morning:
"The NFL is extremely excited to welcome back the Rams to Los Angeles. Last week when the Rams made the bold move to trade up for the number one pick, what we didn't know is that for the last few weeks our long-time friends at ABC have been orchestrating impromptu episodes of The Bachelorette."
Suddenly and shockingly the commissioner's press conference took a dramatic turn when ABC's Chris Harrison emerged from behind the curtains and was summoned by Goodell to the microphone. Here is what the affable Harrison had to say:
"Welcome NFL fans everywhere. As you likely know, the LA Rams are in the process of trying to decide between QBs Jared Goff of California and Carson Wentz of North Dakota St. We at The Bachelorette had known for weeks that the Rams were going to do all they could to move up to the top spot in the draft. Thus, we made a call to Los Angeles' own Olivia Rosenbloom, the lovely daughter of Chip Rosenbloom, the co-owner of the Rams and son of the late Georgia Frontier and Carroll Rosenbloom."
Harrison continued, "We asked Olivia if she would be interested in becoming the NFL's first bachelorette. Then we asked Jared Goff and Carson Wentz if they were interested in being wooed by Olivia for what could wind up being the ultimate American Dream! Just imagine---experiencing the utter thrill of hearing your name called as the 1st player chosen in the NFL Draft and then having the opportunity to marry the woman of your dreams all within a matter of hours and days!"
"Well, we are ecstatic to announce that Jared and Carson could not have been more enthusiastic about our proposal and now---this week---not only are Jared and Carson spending their days meeting with the Rams, they are spending their evenings on mini-dates with Olivia. On each of the player's final night in LA, as is the tradition on The Bachelorette, they will be given the unique opportunity to spend an evening with Olivia in the Honeymoon cottage."
"Of course, ABC will be there every step of the way---from the first time Jared and Carson step out of the limo to meet Olivia to the final rose ceremony which will take place on April 28th, the night of the NFL Draft from---get this---from---of all places---the Rose Bowl in Pasadena!"
"It gets even better!" Harrison exclaimed. "Wait till you hear this! On hand right there at the Rose Bowl will be all the Rams' major representatives from owners Stan Kroenke, Chip Rosenbloom and HBO's Ray Donovan to general manager Les Snead to head coach Jeff Fisher and all of the members of the Rams, headed by Todd Gurley, Tavon Austin and Aaron Donald."
"After Olivia declares who she is giving the final rose to, you might ask well how then can the loser not be at the draft in Chicago to hear his name called? Well, we at ABC have taken care of that---because we will have Howie Roseman (how fitting!), the general manager of the Philadelphia Eagles present a jersey, green carnations and hugs to the runner-up.
"It will be live TV drama the likely of which we have never seen before."
"And what a way to welcome the Rams back to LA!"
"So what i would like to do is bring Olivia out at this time and she will say a few words about how excited she is and how difficult a decision this is shaping up to be. Olivia!"
As she swims through the curtains, Olivia's shiny chestnut brown hair is flowing backward amidst the gusts from the off-the-set wind machine. Her smoky eyes and all aflame and her lips are sparkling in rose-colored gloss.
"Hello! Wow! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever dreamt something like this! I am so excited. I have to tell you having been on a couple of dates with Jared and Carson already, this is going to be the most difficult decision of my life. Not only is my married life depending on this, so is the future of the LA Rams! And I have to tell you, I have already developed deep feelings for both Jared and Carson. Jared is the classic strapping blonde from Marin County. Wow, right?---He is a little shy at first but, when he warms up to you, he has such a cozy, witty personality. And Carson? Wow. If it weren't for The Bachelorette, he would without a doubt be the number one prize catch on FarmersOnly.com. He is a brawny and gregarious Bismark boy who comes out swinging."
"Early next week I get to meet Jared's family up in Novato, California before flying off for a day and night to Bismark, North Dakota to meet Carson's family. I am a little nervous, but very excited to meet my future in-laws, whoever they will be!"
Olivia remained for a short Q & A by the sports reporters. The most important question came from ESPN's Sal Palantonio: "Is the decision going to be your choice or the Rams' or a mutually agreed one?"
"I've been told by ABC and the Rams that this decision will be totally mine---after all, a girl has to be certain about who her husband is. That's only fair."
"But what if the Rams feel that they like one QB better?" Sal Pal queried.
"They have told me that they are so divided about which one to pick that they welcome my decision. But let's not forget, my family has a part ownership of the Rams and I wanna win!"
At the conclusion of the press conference Olivia turned the podium back to Chris Harrison who, with unbridled excitement, stated:
"What a monumental moment for TV and NFL fans this is going to be---to see whether it will be Jared...or...Carson...who will be holding up the Rams' #1 jersey...while he is holding up, of course, the most highly coveted prize of all...the final rose!"
"You won't want to miss this. You will be shocked at Olivia's decision. Absolutely shocked!" Harrison concluded.
Last edited:
