The Official Condiments thread

[abomb]

OK, let's go.

 

[Dback Jon]

How long will it take for this thread to catchup with the others?

 

[Dback Jon]

Will this thread be able to cut the mustard?

 

[Mulli]

I like yellow mustard.

 

[Pariah]

I relish the thought of coming up with a clever post in this thread.

 

[Mulli]

Dear Cecil:

I was sitting at the Montreal Pool Room eating my all-dressed hot dog and suddenly the question hit me: why is there no ketchup in an all-dressed? Is ketchup not as respectable a condiment as relish or mustard? Is there a conspiracy? Does Dirty Harry's remark about ketchup in a hot dog have anything to do with it? I would be so thankful if you could shine a light on this obscure bit of knowledge for a passionate and perplexed user of ketchup. --Paul Macneil, Dorval, Quebec

Cecil replies:

Paul, I know you don't mean to act like an alfalfa-chewing barbarian, but this is like asking why Leonardo didn't paint the Mona Lisa on black velvet. Ketchup is destructive of all that is right and just about a properly assembled hot dog (and we're talking about a pure beef hot dog, not one of those things you could serve with dressing on Thanksgiving).

Ketchup smothers the flavor of the hot dog because ketchup makers add sugar to their products. That takes the edge off the highly acidic tomatoes, but it takes the edge off everything else, too. Which is exactly why a lot of parents like it, according to Mel Plotsky, sales manager for the David Berg hot dog company in Chicago. (Chicago is one of the hot dog's holy cities.) Put ketchup on it and a kid will swallow anything--and from there it's a straight shot to Velveeta cheese, Franco-American spaghetti, and Deborah Norville.

For that matter, you want to watch the mustard, too. Plotsky says your mainstream brands like French's put in too much turmeric and whatnot. What you want is some unpretentious mustard like Plochman's that enhances rather than competes with the flavor of the beef. You should also steam or grill rather than boil your hot dogs--water leaches away the flavor and softens the wiener till it becomes non-tooth-resistant mush.

But--getting back to the original question--you say you like the taste of tomatoes. Fine, then eat tomatoes, as God meant them to be eaten--fresh sliced and piled on top of the hot dog. The recommended ingredients of a hot dog with everything, in order of application, are mustard, relish, chopped onion, sliced tomato, kosher pickle spear, optional peppers, and celery salt. (Many think you have to get kraut in there too, but Cecil wants a hot dog, not Oktoberfest.)

People get pretty emotional over the ketchup question. Mel Plotsky opened our discussion by describing the condiment as a "catchall of garbage." Over at crosstown rival Vienna Sausage, they refer to ketchup as the "K-word." If you go into an authentic hot dog joint and ask for ketchup on your hot dog, the counterman will pause and look you in the eye. He may or may not say, "Ketchup?" with a tone of disbelief. But you may be certain what he's thinking: "Behold this creature that walks like a man. It wants ketchup on its hot dog."

But hey, if you want ketchup, by all means get it.

--CECIL ADAMS

 

[Pariah]

Yellow mustard kicks dijon mustard's butt.

Dill pickle relish is very tasty, possibly the most under-rated of condiments. Sweet pickle relish, on the other hand, should be outlawed.

I like both mayonaise and mircale whip (not together, but I like them equally).

Not a big catsup/Ketchup fan. Anyway, what's up with the two spellings? Seems they're both technically correct. But, I say we put it to the court of public opinion. Catsup or Ketchup?

 

[abomb]

I think Deli Mustard is the way to go. On sandwiches, brats, etc.

D-Dogg once told me that according to "American Eats", you "dress the dog, not the bun." That phrase changed my life.

When we grill brats at tailgating, I use a sheet of foil to put bottled saurkraut on, then fold it up and toss it on the grill. It was dubbed the "Kraut Pouch". Plus it sounds dirty.

With kraut, always the jar. Dont trust the can or the pouch.

Ketchup is for french fries and little else. Eggs? No way. On a grilled cheese? That is crazy talk.

Mayonaise should be 100% real mayo, not this low fat crap. It tastes different. Also, when I become king, Miracle Whip will be outlawed and punishable by death. It says right on the label "Salad Dressing". Freaking disgusting, why not pour some thousand island on your ham sammich you creep. On burgers, I go with mayo, lettuce, tomato and cheese. Keep the ketchup for the fries or tots.

I like pickles, but only dill and kosher dill. Sweet pickles are disgusting. I also never put pickles on my food; I always enjoy them on the side.

Relish is OK, but why have crushed pickles when you can have kraut or hot mustard.

 

[Pariah]

A hot dog should be:

Brown Mustard
Pickle
Onions
Tomato
Celery Salt

Celery salt is the oft overlooked key to a damned good hot dog.


Chicago-style hot dogs are the best.

PS--you could also put yellow mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog for a tasty street-food sensation.

 

[abomb]

A hot dog should be:

Brown Mustard
Pickle
Onions
Tomato
Celery Salt

I am starving.

 

[abomb]

No kidding......we need to have a Lunchtime ASFN Wiener Meet.

Are there still any Vienna Stands downtown??

I think there might be one outside the Bank One building.

I am going to some awesome bakery place for lunch. Stay tuned.

 

[Mulli]

In Chicago, they have this bright green relish that rules!!

 

[Mulli]

We should have a forum. My future thread on whether cheese sauce is a condiment will be huge.

 

[abomb]

I forgot one great condiment.

Olives.

 

[abomb]

We should have a forum. My future thread on whether cheese sauce is a condiment will be huge.

I think processed cheese might be one of the best inventions in man kind. I would stab someone for a pretzel right now.

 

[abomb]

I also forgot salsa. Homemade is good if you have great ingredients, but I also like Herdez hot. Love it.

Pace Picante Sauce will go the route of Miracle Whip under my rule.

 

[Mulli]

A hot dog should be:

Brown Mustard
Pickle
Onions
Tomato
Celery Salt

Add cheese sauce for extra goodness. And hot peppers.

 

[Pariah]

I forgot one great condiment.

Olives.

You're dead to me.

 

[Mulli]

Potato salad can be an excellent condiment.

 

[Dback Jon]

And don't forget chili as a condiment - on dawgs, fries, etc.

 

[Chris_Sanders]

Mayonaisse is vomitous.

Yellow mustard is the best.

But if I am eating beef than it is A1 Steak Sauce all the way.

 

[Linderbee]

Miracle Whip, NOT mayo
mustard, don't care what kind, but I will concede deli mustard is better
ketchup, not catsup
LOVE dill pickles/dill pickle relish
sweet relish is okay for burgers

HOT DOGS:

Brown mustard
kraut
dill pickle spear
celery salt

 

[abomb]

Potato salad can be an excellent condiment.

Correct, but only if used as such. Same with dressing/stuffing. My favorite sandwich of the year occurs after T-Day.

From top to bottom;

Slice of Mrs. D-Dogg's mother's homemade bread
Mayonnaise
layer of cranberry sauce
layer of stuffing
turkey
gravy
turkey
Mayonnaise
Slice of Mrs. D-Dogg's mother's homemade bread

 

[Mulli]

And don't forget chili as a condiment - on dawgs, fries, etc.

Well done.

 

[Pariah]

And don't forget chili as a condiment - on dawgs, fries, etc.

I don;t know that you can consider anything you eat as a stand-alone meal a condiment. I'm eating a bowl of chili right now, but would never consider eating a bowl of mustard.