Best "review" thus far.
By the way, I honestly don't think the original reviewer from Huffington Post actually paid attention at all during the movie. Some of my favorite excerpts:
1. To blow up the 120-km "Death Star" in Star Wars, the rebels needed detailed plans for the base and a full-scale invasion force -- as well as the supernatural targeting skills of the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy.
Yes they did. And in the Force Awakens, the hastily thrown together plan formulated by the Resistance to possibly, maybe cripple the Starkiller Base…@#$@#$ FAILS. Poe Dameron and his squadron have pulled out and are actually leaving the planet when they see that the target they couldn’t even dent has been damaged from the inside. They then turn around and manage one last, desperate run.
I don’t want to hit this too hard on the nose, but you would’ve noticed this had you actually watched the movie.
4. Rey becomes nearly as effective a Force-user in a few hours as Luke Skywalker did in a few years.
Yeah. Makes you wonder why doesn’t it? Kinda feels like we’re being set up for something in the future. I wonder if we’ll ever find out about her mysterious past and her mystical connection to the Force and Luke Skywalker?
If you don’t understand that this is set-up for future films, then you should have your Netflix password taken away from you.
8. It's okay that Poe survived a Tie Fighter crash; after all, so did Finn.
Finn was miles away, strapped into an ejector seat with a spent parachute strewn out behind him. Poe stated he woke up that night and didn’t know where he was (probably strapped to ANOTHER EJECTOR SEAT).
Here’s a hint when it comes to watching movies. Use the parts you know to fill in the parts you don’t know. That’s not a writing lesson. That’s a watching lesson.
10. For that matter, why is it made to seem like the entire Republic is centered in just one star system?
Let me simplify this so you can understand a little better. There’s this place in The United States called Washington DC…
11. Kylo Ren is the head of the Knights of Ren, but there are no other Knights of Ren in the movie.
Except for the six guys you see in Rey’s vision. Idiot.
19. Why wasn't the Resistance able to access R2D2's data archives at any point over the course of the many years Luke was gone?
I’m not an expert in droid memory systems, but when the most powerful Jedi in the Galaxy tells his fiercely loyal droid to code and hide something, I’m pretty sure it gets coded, broken up and hidden in places that programmers can’t find.
Then again, maybe the Huffington Post dude knows something about droid memory systems that I don’t.
24. Rey says that the Millennium Falcon is "garbage" and hasn't been flown in many, many years. Indeed, it's such junk, in her view, that she won't even board it when she's about to be ripped to pieces by twenty Tie Fighters. Then she gets on board and it basically flies perfectly.
if you really want to say that Falcon starts on the first turn of the key and flies perfectly, you must not have been watching when thing crashed and smashed its way into the air, stalled out, had its belly gun lock up, malfunctioned to a point where it was in danger of spewing poison gas or the fact that Rey had to yank parts out of it with alarms blaring all over the place just to keep the hyperdrive from overloading.
Yeah. Ran like a champ.
x 1000
