OT-I'm Going To Be A Daddy

NJCardFan

ASFN Icon
Joined
Jul 14, 2005
Posts
14,974
Reaction score
2,967
Location
Bridgeton, NJ
Don't know if I ever mentioned it here but my wife and I are foster parents with hopes of adopting. Last October we received a 1 week old baby girl. She was born on September 25th and 2 hours after her birth parents left the hospital. It was as close to a safe haven as you're going to get but it did't meet the NJ criteria so child services(DCFP as it's known now, DYFS was it's former name) had to try to find the parents. 4 months went by and nothing until this past January when both parents were located, in another county lockup.

By law the division needs to offer both parents services to try to get their child back. The mother was on drugs when the baby was born and she was born cocaine addicted and the father is a registered sex offender with a rap sheet a mile long(come to find out he did time at the prison I work and was housed on one of my housing units). Anyway, as I said, both were locked up so we had a couple of hearings that went nowhere because both parents had to be given representation and the 2nd hearing, the father wasn't there but the mother was(she was locked up, not like she had a choice. It would be the last time she appeared in court). Again the hearing had to be postponed because the mother's lawyer didn't get to confer with her client so it was rescheduled for April. This time the father was there(again, locked up so he had to be) but mother was a no show. Even her lawyer said that she didn't think the birth mother was all that interested in getting her child back. So, another hearing was set for May because the birth father was now contesting paternity.

In the mean time, the division was looking for family members to take the baby but none were either qualified or they didn't want her. Well, paternity showed that birth father was indeed the father but not he wanted to fire his lawyer. They had to grant his request. So, next hearing was postponed by the judge because she had another case that she wanted finished that day. We din't go back to court until September. Keep in mind that the birth mother has been blowing off court all this time but the division kept on trying to get a hold of her(going to the address she gave and they only found her there once. Other than that, nada).

Our next hearing was in August but the hearing got started late and had to be continued in September. In that hearing, bio mom again was a no show but in a twist of fate, the bio father agreed to surrender his parental rights to my wife and I. 1 parent down. Now the case moves onto permanency. The first hearing there started in November. Unfortunately for us, the Friday before the hearing, the case worker found the birth mother at the address she gave and she said she wanted her baby back and asked for services. The case worker gave her the form to get another public defender and told her court was on Wednesday. Court came, she was a no show but the division asked for a continuance because birth mother didn't have a chance to get a lawyer. The continuance was granted but the judge laid down the low saying that the birth mother would have to jump through several hoops in order for her to not get her rights terminated. Well, then came today.

Hearing today. Again, birth mother doesn't show, never contacted the division for services, the case worker did deliver her the judges order so she had no excuse. The judge had it and today terminated her parental rights. Now the only hurdle we have to clear is the 45 day waiting period where the mother can appeal the decision. If she does that, we're now waiting anywhere between 1 year to 18 months minimum before the appellate court even hears it. But based on the apathy so far I don't see that happening. There's one more hearing scheduled for February called a review hearing when the judge wants to know if we still want to adopt her(silly question indeed). Then everything should be final by spring. Then I'll be able to show her off to the world. We can't post pictures until the adoption is finalized.
 

elindholm

edited for content
Joined
Sep 14, 2002
Posts
26,831
Reaction score
8,076
Location
L.A. area
Good luck! I have some friends who have gone the adoption route and faced similar hurdles, but they've made it work in the end. They're utterly convinced that the hassle is worth it, of course -- but it sure is a hassle.
 
OP
OP
NJCardFan

NJCardFan

ASFN Icon
Joined
Jul 14, 2005
Posts
14,974
Reaction score
2,967
Location
Bridgeton, NJ
Good luck! I have some friends who have gone the adoption route and faced similar hurdles, but they've made it work in the end. They're utterly convinced that the hassle is worth it, of course -- but it sure is a hassle.

I know this baby is worth it!
 

Iceman

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2014
Posts
4,441
Reaction score
116
Location
Gilbert
That's awesome. Congrats and best of luck
 

Catfish

Registered
Joined
Aug 14, 2006
Posts
4,551
Reaction score
64
Great news NJCardFan. My family and I wish you the very best as you complete your trying endeavor. I can attest that there is NOTHING like family. God bless and care for you and your soon to be family.
 

cardpa

Have a Nice Day!
Joined
Mar 14, 2003
Posts
7,318
Reaction score
3,975
Location
Monroe NC
I give you all the credit in the world for seeing this through. It could not have been easy by any means. Congratulations.
 

NYCARDS

Registered
Joined
Sep 28, 2003
Posts
956
Reaction score
248
Location
Gone
Wow, thats some story. The hurdles will be well worth it. Its painfully obvioius that this child's life will be much better with parents that actually WANT her. Good luck and God bless.
 

PACardsFan

ASFN Icon
Joined
May 15, 2002
Posts
10,003
Reaction score
11,437
Location
York, PA
It takes a special set of people to endure what you and your wife have already been through. That little girl is so fortunate that there are still people like you that care. I will keep your situation in my thoughts and prayers. Kudos to you and your wife. For the sake of everyone, let's hope and pray the the System gets it right.
 

TRW

ASFN Addict
Joined
Jan 13, 2003
Posts
7,469
Reaction score
6,813
Location
Avondale, AZ
Congratulations!

We have 3 amazing, spectacular, wonderful grandsons (all 3 from the same birth mother and father) via the same process. It seemed forever to get through the process but it was SO worth it! Now it seems we have had them in our lives forever :)

Awesome story you have. All the best to you and your wife as you finish this marathon :)
 

AZCrazy

ASFN Lifer
Joined
May 18, 2014
Posts
3,980
Reaction score
2,555
Bless you and people like you for having the decency and human caring in your heart to open your home to a beautiful innocent baby in urgent need. You have a lifetime of joy awaiting you, mixed in among all the hard work.
 

Kel Varnsen

Moderator
Moderator
Supporting Member
Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Jun 28, 2003
Posts
33,369
Reaction score
11,992
Location
Phoenix
Great story. You and your wife are doing a wonderful thing.

How is the little girl? How do you help her overcome being born addicted to drugs?
 
OP
OP
NJCardFan

NJCardFan

ASFN Icon
Joined
Jul 14, 2005
Posts
14,974
Reaction score
2,967
Location
Bridgeton, NJ
Great story. You and your wife are doing a wonderful thing.

How is the little girl? How do you help her overcome being born addicted to drugs?
When we got her she exhibited small withdrawal symptoms like tremors in her arms and hands. She got over them relatively quickly, within a few weeks. Now, you'd never know because she is an active, happy baby. Even going through the withdrawals she was a good baby. Rarely fusses and is happy as a clam. She loves to go shopping as we took her today. And she's smart as a whip. Only thing we're waiting for her to do is start talking. She babbles like babies do but no real words yet.
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
537,304
Posts
5,268,810
Members
6,275
Latest member
Beagleperson
Top