kerouac9
Klowned by Keim
Hall of Famers
1. Andy Reid (KC) - Reid is a staggering 127 games over .500 and a three-time Super Bowl Champion. He hasn't had a losing season since 2012. He hasn't had consecutive losing seasons in his 26-year career. And, also, today I learned that he's a Mormon.
2. Sean McVay (LAR) - He's 28 games over .500 and Super Bowl Champion head coach. He has one losing season in the past eight years. He took over a 4-12 team and immediately made the playoffs.
3. John Harbaugh (BAL) - John Harbaugh has been head coach of the Baltimore Ravens since George W Bush was president. Low-key underrated head coach, honestly.
4. Jim Harbaugh (LAC) - Longtime readers know I love Jim Harbaugh. He's the GOAT. He builds programs and champions. Pleated king.
5. Sean McDermott (BUF) - I'm not gonna hear anyone complain that he's overrated here. Six consecutive double-digit winning seasons. He's gotten blocked by the Chiefs on the way to the Super Bowl multiple times.
6. Mike Tomlin (PIT) - Tomlin is low-key the 98th-percentile result for Jonathan Gannon. Tomlin made the playoffs then won the Super Bowl in his first two seasons, but since he's consistently made the playoffs and been competitive ever since. Pretty good for a guy who was a one-year DC after spending a long time as a DBs coach with a great DC.
7. Sean Payton (DEN) - Payton choosing Denver over Arizona is a real sliding-doors moment. Weird that he's a guy who feels like his teams both overperformed and underperformed at the same time.
Value-adders
8. Kyle Shanahan (SFO) - 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! NICE JOB, KYLE! You suck. Still, Kyle's offenses have finished outside the top 10 in yardage once since Jimmy G's first full season as a starter.
9. Matt LaFleur (GBP) - LaFleur is 34 games above .500 as a head coach and brought the Packers to consecutive NFC Championship game appearances. But Kevin Stefanski has two coach of the year awards.
10. Mike Vrabel (NEP) - Reputation as a program-builder and tough guy. He's kind of the beta release of Dan Campbell. Feels like he was in Tennessee longer than he was (just six years), but those seasons included a trip to the conference championship game and three playoff runs.
11. Dan Campbell (DET) - I quickly got on board when we hired Kliff Kingsbury, but I really loved Dan Campbell and would have liked to see him come here. He's already 11 games over .500 as head coach of the Lions. He's smarter and more tactical than his public persona lets on.
12. Kevin O'Connell (MIN) - O'Connell was the guy we hoped we were getting in Kliff Kingsbury. His running game concepts lack a ton of productivity, but he's done wonders with some... limited quarterbacks. Hiring Flores has turned out to be a masterstroke.
13. Zac Taylor (CIN) - I thought he was a scrub until he convinced everyone that there shouldn't be a game after Damar Hamlin almost died on the field. He's a good leader and adds value aside from getting out of Joe Burrow's way (which is a good thing to do and something not all coaches would!).
14. DeMeco Ryans (HOU) - Loved Ryans as a player, and like him a lot as a coach. The challenge is what all these defensive guys face: can you consistently succeed when you don't call offensive plays? Only two former defensive coaches are above him on this list, which should tell you everything you need to know.
15. Mike McDaniel (MIA) - I thought McDaniel was an awful hire when it happened. Then I thought it was brilliant. Now I don't know what to think! He's gotten a ton of production out of Tua (which was his main mission), but now expectations are distorted and I wouldn't be surprised to see him gone after this year.
The Devil You Know
16. Pete Carroll (LVR) - Is Carroll a hall of fame coach? He's 50 games above .500, been to two Super Bowls, and won one. The conventional wisdom has shifted to he rode a great draft class to relative immortality, but I don't know.
17. Dan Quinn (WAS) - The second veteran program-builder in this group. Quinn was only head coach for five seasons and five games in Atlanta. His Dallas defenses were really good, but I have a hard time shaking the feeling he's not Bald Ron Rivera.
18. Nick Sirianni (PHI) - A lot of people don't remember the sour note on which the Eagles ended their 2023 season, and fewer still remember how precarious and inessential Sirianni seemed through the first month of the 2024 season. They were 2-2 with a -10 point differential.
19. Todd Bowles (TBB) - He's three games over .500 as head coach of the Bucs, and they've made the playoffs the past three seasons since Arians retired. He's supported by both a well-stocked roster and trash division, but still. He's still 12 games under .500 career. Oof.
Waiting in the Wings
20. Mike Macdonald (SEA) - Head coach whose name you're most likely to forget. The Seahawks went from 25th in scoring defense in the last two years of Carroll's regime to 11th in Macdonald's first season -- they allowed 17.75 ppg after their Week 10 bye, which included five road games.
21. Jonathan Gannon (ARI) - I think he's kind of annoying, but he says a lot of the right things and the franchise seems to be moving in the right direction. The problem is can you be a defensive-oriented head coach in this environment and succeed over the long term?
Too Soon to Tell
22. Aaron Glenn (NYJ) - I'm a sucker for these longtime defensive coaches to get the opportunity to shine. All reports about Glenn is that he's a straight shooter and a flexible thinker. Will that be enough to overcome the meddling of Brick Johnson? Almost certainly not, but I think he'll have a positive fiew years with the potential for a Demeco Ryans-like rise.
23. Ben Johnson (CHI) - It's hard to make the step up from offensive coordinator to head coach in the NFL, especially for a poverty franchise like the Bears. I think he'll make the transition successfully, but I have slightly more confidence in Glenn.
24. Liam Coen (JAX) - Meteoric rise from Kentucky QC/QB Coach to NFL head coach. Spent four years with Sean McVay and had a spectacular year managing a veteran Tampa Bay offense.
25. Kellen Moore (NO) - I wanted to make him pre-fired so bad, but it doesn't seem fair to a guy who helped coordinate some really good offenses in Dallas and also helped guide Jalen Hurts to a Super Bowl MVP.
Pre-fired
26. Raheem Morris (ATL) - If you're a 48 year old defensive head coach with a record eight games under .500, you're probably pretty pre-fired. OC Zac Robinson probably already has plans for how he wants to re-arrange Morris's office.
27. Brian Callahan (TEN) - He was hired because he could bring his dad in to help the offensive line, which was in a shambles. His other claim to fame is watching Joe Burrow coach up Zac Taylor. Nice work there.
28. Brian Daboll (NYG) - I would not want Brian Daboll as my head coach. Maybe he can fall into a perfect situation and make something happen, but if I were building a franchise, I have no idea why you'd turn to this guy.
29. Kevin Stefanski (CLE) - This jamoke is four games below .500 as head coach of the Browns, during which time he's had one above-average scoring offense and one above-average yardage offense.
30. Dave Canales (CAR) - I mean, it sucks for the guy, but what was innovative about the Seattle Seahawks offense from 2018 - 2022?
31. Brian Schottenheimer (DAL) - If Coen's rise is meteoric, Schottenheimer's is shambolic. Classic Nepobaby has hung around the NFL as a wildly inoffensive offensive coordinator
32. Shane Steichen (IND) - He's 17-17 as a head coach, failed to develop a top 10 QB, and the Colts are in the wilderness. Why keep him?
1. Andy Reid (KC) - Reid is a staggering 127 games over .500 and a three-time Super Bowl Champion. He hasn't had a losing season since 2012. He hasn't had consecutive losing seasons in his 26-year career. And, also, today I learned that he's a Mormon.
2. Sean McVay (LAR) - He's 28 games over .500 and Super Bowl Champion head coach. He has one losing season in the past eight years. He took over a 4-12 team and immediately made the playoffs.
3. John Harbaugh (BAL) - John Harbaugh has been head coach of the Baltimore Ravens since George W Bush was president. Low-key underrated head coach, honestly.
4. Jim Harbaugh (LAC) - Longtime readers know I love Jim Harbaugh. He's the GOAT. He builds programs and champions. Pleated king.
5. Sean McDermott (BUF) - I'm not gonna hear anyone complain that he's overrated here. Six consecutive double-digit winning seasons. He's gotten blocked by the Chiefs on the way to the Super Bowl multiple times.
6. Mike Tomlin (PIT) - Tomlin is low-key the 98th-percentile result for Jonathan Gannon. Tomlin made the playoffs then won the Super Bowl in his first two seasons, but since he's consistently made the playoffs and been competitive ever since. Pretty good for a guy who was a one-year DC after spending a long time as a DBs coach with a great DC.
7. Sean Payton (DEN) - Payton choosing Denver over Arizona is a real sliding-doors moment. Weird that he's a guy who feels like his teams both overperformed and underperformed at the same time.
Value-adders
8. Kyle Shanahan (SFO) - 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! 28-3! NICE JOB, KYLE! You suck. Still, Kyle's offenses have finished outside the top 10 in yardage once since Jimmy G's first full season as a starter.
9. Matt LaFleur (GBP) - LaFleur is 34 games above .500 as a head coach and brought the Packers to consecutive NFC Championship game appearances. But Kevin Stefanski has two coach of the year awards.
10. Mike Vrabel (NEP) - Reputation as a program-builder and tough guy. He's kind of the beta release of Dan Campbell. Feels like he was in Tennessee longer than he was (just six years), but those seasons included a trip to the conference championship game and three playoff runs.
11. Dan Campbell (DET) - I quickly got on board when we hired Kliff Kingsbury, but I really loved Dan Campbell and would have liked to see him come here. He's already 11 games over .500 as head coach of the Lions. He's smarter and more tactical than his public persona lets on.
12. Kevin O'Connell (MIN) - O'Connell was the guy we hoped we were getting in Kliff Kingsbury. His running game concepts lack a ton of productivity, but he's done wonders with some... limited quarterbacks. Hiring Flores has turned out to be a masterstroke.
13. Zac Taylor (CIN) - I thought he was a scrub until he convinced everyone that there shouldn't be a game after Damar Hamlin almost died on the field. He's a good leader and adds value aside from getting out of Joe Burrow's way (which is a good thing to do and something not all coaches would!).
14. DeMeco Ryans (HOU) - Loved Ryans as a player, and like him a lot as a coach. The challenge is what all these defensive guys face: can you consistently succeed when you don't call offensive plays? Only two former defensive coaches are above him on this list, which should tell you everything you need to know.
15. Mike McDaniel (MIA) - I thought McDaniel was an awful hire when it happened. Then I thought it was brilliant. Now I don't know what to think! He's gotten a ton of production out of Tua (which was his main mission), but now expectations are distorted and I wouldn't be surprised to see him gone after this year.
The Devil You Know
16. Pete Carroll (LVR) - Is Carroll a hall of fame coach? He's 50 games above .500, been to two Super Bowls, and won one. The conventional wisdom has shifted to he rode a great draft class to relative immortality, but I don't know.
17. Dan Quinn (WAS) - The second veteran program-builder in this group. Quinn was only head coach for five seasons and five games in Atlanta. His Dallas defenses were really good, but I have a hard time shaking the feeling he's not Bald Ron Rivera.
18. Nick Sirianni (PHI) - A lot of people don't remember the sour note on which the Eagles ended their 2023 season, and fewer still remember how precarious and inessential Sirianni seemed through the first month of the 2024 season. They were 2-2 with a -10 point differential.
19. Todd Bowles (TBB) - He's three games over .500 as head coach of the Bucs, and they've made the playoffs the past three seasons since Arians retired. He's supported by both a well-stocked roster and trash division, but still. He's still 12 games under .500 career. Oof.
Waiting in the Wings
20. Mike Macdonald (SEA) - Head coach whose name you're most likely to forget. The Seahawks went from 25th in scoring defense in the last two years of Carroll's regime to 11th in Macdonald's first season -- they allowed 17.75 ppg after their Week 10 bye, which included five road games.
21. Jonathan Gannon (ARI) - I think he's kind of annoying, but he says a lot of the right things and the franchise seems to be moving in the right direction. The problem is can you be a defensive-oriented head coach in this environment and succeed over the long term?
Too Soon to Tell
22. Aaron Glenn (NYJ) - I'm a sucker for these longtime defensive coaches to get the opportunity to shine. All reports about Glenn is that he's a straight shooter and a flexible thinker. Will that be enough to overcome the meddling of Brick Johnson? Almost certainly not, but I think he'll have a positive fiew years with the potential for a Demeco Ryans-like rise.
23. Ben Johnson (CHI) - It's hard to make the step up from offensive coordinator to head coach in the NFL, especially for a poverty franchise like the Bears. I think he'll make the transition successfully, but I have slightly more confidence in Glenn.
24. Liam Coen (JAX) - Meteoric rise from Kentucky QC/QB Coach to NFL head coach. Spent four years with Sean McVay and had a spectacular year managing a veteran Tampa Bay offense.
25. Kellen Moore (NO) - I wanted to make him pre-fired so bad, but it doesn't seem fair to a guy who helped coordinate some really good offenses in Dallas and also helped guide Jalen Hurts to a Super Bowl MVP.
Pre-fired
26. Raheem Morris (ATL) - If you're a 48 year old defensive head coach with a record eight games under .500, you're probably pretty pre-fired. OC Zac Robinson probably already has plans for how he wants to re-arrange Morris's office.
27. Brian Callahan (TEN) - He was hired because he could bring his dad in to help the offensive line, which was in a shambles. His other claim to fame is watching Joe Burrow coach up Zac Taylor. Nice work there.
28. Brian Daboll (NYG) - I would not want Brian Daboll as my head coach. Maybe he can fall into a perfect situation and make something happen, but if I were building a franchise, I have no idea why you'd turn to this guy.
29. Kevin Stefanski (CLE) - This jamoke is four games below .500 as head coach of the Browns, during which time he's had one above-average scoring offense and one above-average yardage offense.
30. Dave Canales (CAR) - I mean, it sucks for the guy, but what was innovative about the Seattle Seahawks offense from 2018 - 2022?
31. Brian Schottenheimer (DAL) - If Coen's rise is meteoric, Schottenheimer's is shambolic. Classic Nepobaby has hung around the NFL as a wildly inoffensive offensive coordinator
32. Shane Steichen (IND) - He's 17-17 as a head coach, failed to develop a top 10 QB, and the Colts are in the wilderness. Why keep him?
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