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The Hunt for Red Hedges (Part II)
– by Mario Crescibene
INT. SUBMARINE COMMAND CENTER
The green sonar screens pulse rapidly, casting eerie shadows across the room. The atmosphere is electric. The PETTY OFFICER and ENSIGN sit rigid at their terminals.
Suddenly, the heavy steel door bangs open. The CAPTAIN strides in, a thick cigar clamped tightly between his teeth. He marches directly up behind the two men, whips the cigar out of his mouth with a sharp flick of his wrist, and slams his hands down onto the backs of their chairs, leaning in deep to peer over their shoulders.
CAPTAIN: Report, Petty Officer! Tell me what’s so important.
PETTY OFFICER: Sir, you need to look at monitor. The tracking data just updated. The catcher-class vessel has now officially crossed the 100 at-bat threshold.
CAPTAIN: (Squinting hard at the display) Talk to me in plain English, son. Has the sub shown enough fire-power to be the Red Hedges?
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PETTY OFFICER: Take a look at the update, sir.
CAPTAIN: By God… it pierced right through the ceiling of the 95 percent confidence interval! He didn’t drop back down like earlier in the season.
PETTY OFFICER: Exactly, sir. At 121 at-bats, his batting average is holding strong at .281. Statistically, the probability of a true .186 career hitter maintaining this pace over a 100+ trial sample by pure chance is practically zero.
ENSIGN: Captain, look at the secondary monitor. I’ve been running the diagnostic on his On-Base Percentage.
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ENSIGN: Remember last time when his OBP was lagging behind because he wasn’t drawing walks? The stochastic path shows that he’s reached a consistent OBP, and now both metrics have entirely escaped the stable zone.
CAPTAIN: (A slow smile spreads across his weathered face as he gestures with his cigar) He completely overran the parameters.
PETTY OFFICER: The tracking is definitive, sir.
CAPTAIN: Phone the President! We’ve caught the Red Hedges!
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