Ouch!
Shreveport: The Grandaddy of Bad Bowl Games
By Spencer Hall - SportingNews
Bowl disappointment comes in many different flavors. The Purdue and Central Michigan players at the Motor City Bowl partied at a bowling alley. Fresno State and Georgia Tech players traveling to the Humanitarian Bowl are playing a game sponsored by a series of truck stops.
And for Memphis and Florida Atlantic players looking for events at the New Orleans Bowl -- events like parades -- well, sorry: There were no events listed or provided. (Even the Meineke Car Care Bowl had a street fair and pep rally for UConn and Wake Forest players and fans. If they can do it, anyone can.)
The original recipe for bowl disappointment, though, comes from Shreveport, La.: The Independence Bowl, better known to you and me as the former Poulan/Weed Eater Independence Bowl. The GMAC, the Motor City, the Meineke Car Care Bowl ... they all owe a debt of gratitude to the Independence Bowl, which came along in 1976 and innovated the bowl scene by removing the requirement of being "a destination city" from the criteria.
Teams used to go somewhere for their bowl games; Shreveport proved that football fans were so desperate for games they were willing to ditch the requirement of a holiday destination to watch games between .500 teams playing for payouts barely covering their expenses (if they're lucky).
We'll get to the money. The reasons for saying Shreveport's the ultimate non-destination for bowl teams? Oh, there are reasons.
The Location
Shreveport is located at the nexus of the Red River and the Texas Trail, meaning it was hot as long as everyone stuck to riverboats and covered wagons for transportation. I appreciate the pleasure of playing faro and smoking a cigar on a riverboat next to a guy named "Pappy" as much as the next man, but both modes of transportation left Shreveport bereft and stuck in the far northwest corner of Louisiana -- a region officially ranked 45th in the bestseller Places You Really Totally Shouldn't See Before You Die (No, Like Seriously Dude. FOR REAL).
This meant Shreveport now survives on what is politely called "a service economy," or more plainly put, "gambling." It's Biloxi-on-the-River, in other words, with a convention center and hotel paid for with public funds but curiously managed by the Hilton Corporation. It has little for 18- to 22-year olds -- no beach, no significant nightlife and no major tourist attractions that don't involve doubling-down or letting it ride.
Vegas has the fountains at the Bellagio. Boise has majestic scenery. In Shreveport, the most a bowl-bound player can hope for in the way of entertainment is watching the river for dead cattle floating by in between attempts to sneak into the casinos.
There is a good gender discrepancy, though, so the chances of "Bowl Romance" are (mathematically speaking) excellent for young, healthy men on the prowl: 87.4 men for every 100 women. (One stands a pretty good shot at finding a young lady with which to watch the dead cows float by in Shreveport.)
Oh, and Road House 2 and Blonde Ambition with Jessica Simpson were filmed there as part of Shreveport's pandering to the American film industry. Both are available at inexpensive prices in your local DVD bin, and both are awesome, I'm sure.
The sponsors
The Independence Bowl has been the poster child for conspicuously un-prestigious bowl sponsors. The bowl has been known as:
# The Poulan-Weed Eater Independence Bowl
# The Newell-Rubbermaid Sanford Writing Products Independence Bowl
# The Mainstay Investments Independence Bowl
# The PetroSun Independence Bowl
The plague of corporate names didn't begin with the Independence Bowl. Shreveport's bowl officials did, however, leap on it with a verve and lack of discrimination that deserves an advanced degree of scorn. You'll always be the Poulan/Weed Eater Independence Bowl to us, though. Sorry, PetroSun.
The teams
Being bowl-eligible used to mean something because there was a finite number of bowls, just as produce was a lot higher quality when they didn't let the bruised apples through inspection. Thanks to ESPN's family of fake bowls and the proliferation of bowl games, the current de facto playoff system bears less resemblance to the NFL or MLB playoffs and looks more like the NHL playoffs: Everyone with a pulse gets postseason exposure.
Colorado is on the path to prosperity in a redo by Dan Hawkins, but the Buffs still finished in a four-way tie for fifth place in the Big 12 -- and lost to Iowa State, a two-win team that lost to Northern Iowa, a Division I-AA team. Alabama shorted out toward the end of the season as John Parker Wilson disintegrated in an almost Chris Simms-esque fashion.
Sunday night's net matchup is one of two .500 teams that finished the season on a flatline, losing a combined eight of their last 10 games (a fact helpfully pointed out by SMQ.)
These are two not-good teams that will add up to play what likely will be a not-good game. And that's if they have a fair field to play on, which bring us to our fourth factor ...
The weather
Shreveport is inland in a "humid, subtropical climate." In December, anything can and does happen. This year's weather has been cold and rainy thus far, not the sunny bowl vacation most would assume as the ideal exhibition game location. (The Weather Channel forecast: partly cloudy, 41 degrees at kickoff, 37 degrees by the end.)
Freakish weather, however, has been the norm in the Independence Bowl: Torrential rains led to an ugly 9-3 game between Ole Miss and Air Force in 1983, and a snowstorm in 2000 had announcers guessing blindly about down-and-distance.
Laugh as much as you like at the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl or the Champs Sports Bowl in Orlando, Fla., but at least those meaningless bowls get decent, semi-predictable weather. Even the Motor City Bowl is smart enough to hold the thing indoors before turning people loose to fend for themselves in the wilds of downtown Detroit. (There are enough variables in Detroit without having the weather frighten people, too.)
The money
It's a well-kept secret that amid all the festivity, bowl games rarely pay for cost of the schools attending them. According to a recent Orange County Register article, Florida and Ohio State each finished more than $600,000 in the red last year from travel expenses to the national title game. The PetroSun Independence Bowl's $1.1 million payout to each school might sound immense, but with the average program expenditure for a non-BCS bowl game sitting at $937,834, Alabama and Colorado will be fortunate to break even on games.
And if Shreveport's freakish weather takes a turn for the worse, they might lose that slim profit margin in a mess of hastily purchased rain jackets, thermal underwear and cancelled flights. Given the economics of the event alone, Alabama and Colorado might consider doing exactly what you'll do with the PetroSun Independence Bowl: Watch it safely and cheaply from your couch.
Spencer Hall, under the alias Orson Swindle, writes and edits the college football blog Every Day Should Be Saturday and is a frequent contributor to Sporting News.
