Erling Haaland failed us by being another Noel Gallagher when we wanted a Liam

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It has been difficult to watch Erling Haaland squander his early promise. It would be perverse to criticise his first season in England, a one-man mockery of the idea that adapting to the Premier League takes time. Haaland has been so good that fantasy football bores will name children after him.

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