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This is part of Slate’s 2026 Olympics coverage. Read more here.
If a dog could compete in the Winter Olympics, which disciplines would it be best at? This age-old question took on new relevance Wednesday, when a Czechoslovakian wolfdog dashed onto the cross-country skiing course during the women’s team sprint qualifiers. “So I’m going to say that it’s domesticated. Wants to enjoy the finish as well,” said commentator Duane Dell’Oca as the canine interloper, a local pooch named Nazgul, raced Croatia’s Tena Hadzic and Australia’s Phoebe Cridland across the finish line. “The biggest cheer of the day is not for any of the skiers so far,” Dell’Oca continued, as Nazgul sauntered around, eventually sniffing an Argentine skier’s butt. “Race organizers did not make Nazgul available for questions after his capture,” NPR later reported.
Clearly, the world wants to see a dog cross the finish line at the Winter Olympics. But it’s high time that they were allowed to do so not just as party crashers, but as full-fledged competitors. I know what you’re thinking: You can’t put a dog in the Olympics! Well, to paraphrase the immortal words of the referee in Air Bud, “Ain’t no rules say that dogs can’t compete in the Olympics.” And if there are rules that say that, well, I’m prepared to ignore them.
I have now spent the good part of a day pondering how a dog might fare in each of the 16 disciplines on the Milan Cortina program, and I have emerged from that period of contemplation with a definitive ranking of those disciplines in descending order of the likelihood that a canine Olympian might actually win a medal.
For the purpose of this exercise, we will take as a given that the dogs entered in these events are capable of using skis, skates, and sleds. As a visual aid for those in our audience who are not as imaginative as I am, my colleague has created an artist’s rendering of Nazgul the Czechoslovakian wolfdog as a monobob competitor.
Nazgul wins gold (?) in the monobob. Photo illustration by Natalie Matthews-Ramo/Slate. Photos by Marco Bertorello/AFP via Getty Images and Anne-Christine POUJOULAT / AFP via Getty Images.
Now, to the rankings.
16. Biathlon. While I think a dog would do quite well in the cross-country skiing portions of the biathlon, its lack of opposable thumbs would render it useless in the portions that require it to operate a rifle. I’m willing to bend the rules to let a dog enter a biathlon race, but I cannot and will not bend the laws of nature to endow that dog with thumbs.
15. Luge. In the luge, competitors lie on their backs as they steer brakeless sleds down icy tracks at high speeds. Why is the luge a sport in the first place, let alone a sport for dogs? This admittedly fair question is beyond our purview here. Anyway, I don’t know much about dogs, but I do know that they tend to lie on their backs when they feel safe, relaxed, and warm, which are three things that they would definitely not be feeling when competing in the luge. They’d flip over soon after the race began and would be immediately disqualified.
14. Skeleton. Skeleton racers use their body weight and spatial awareness to hurtle face-first on a small sled down a track at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour. While you could likely get a dog to lay on its stomach atop the sled, one trip down a skeleton track would likely traumatize it for life, and I cannot imagine that even the best trainer could persuade it to return to the top of the track to race in a second heat. Another disqualification for Team Dog.
13. Curling. Dogs, let’s face it, are not known as the eggheads of the animal kingdom. I mean, they get fooled all the time when you pretend to throw a ball for them to fetch but don’t actually let it go. I simply don’t think that an everyday dog would be able to strategize in the way that Olympic curling requires, and I fear it would waste the entirety of its allotted “thinking time” by barking at the stones.
12. Ski jumping. Could a dog zoom down a ski ramp, jump into the air, and land gracefully? Yes, of course, nothing could be simpler or more delightful to watch. The real problem here comes down to body mass. Because lighter jumpers travel farther, and because the ski jumping establishment wants to dissuade its competitors from starving themselves in pursuit of Olympic glory, a ski jumper’s body-mass index cannot dip below 21 without being penalized. You’d have to be a very fat dog to have a BMI that sits at 21 or above, and a fat dog would likely have far too many comorbidities to excel at ski jumping.
11. Nordic combined. Same problem with ski jumping.
10. Freestyle skiing. I fear that a freestyle-skiing dog would be apt to get the twisties and would be incapable of holding it together long enough to stick the landing.
9. Figure skating. While a dog could certainly be trained to twizzle, and perhaps even to execute the full range of technical elements, I fear that a canine figure skater would struggle to connect the technical aspects of its program with the artistic elements, and would be scored harshly by the judges in that regard, thus rendering it a perpetual also-ran in Olympic competition. (The canine judge on the panel would do its best to put its paws on the scale for the skating dog, but its scores would be deemed suspicious and it would be handed a one-year suspension.)
8. Bobsled. If a team of dogs can be trained to pull a sled, then surely a team of dogs can be trained to drive a sled. The bobsled dogs’ elite sprint speed would give them an edge at the start. (“Another track record!,” the announcer would repeatedly exclaim.) The trip down the track would potentially devolve into chaos, though, as the dogs fought over who got to sit in the front and stuck their heads out the side, creating costly wind resistance.
7. Ski mountaineering. The canine skimo athletes would outclass their human brethren on the grueling uphill portions of the race, but would be immediately tripped up when the time comes to remove their skis and neatly stow them on their backpacks. The skimo dogs would earn a ton of three-second penalties and thus would never be truly competitive. They would, however, become immediate fan favorites and quickly accumulate many more Instagram followers than top-ranked skimo athlete Jon Kistler.
6. Alpine skiing. A skiing dog would have trouble identifying and sticking to the best and fastest available line in a downhill race, so they’d be no threat to the Breezy Johnsons of the world. But if a dog can nimbly navigate obstacles on an agility course, then surely it could maneuver around the gates in the slalom and giant slalom events. While it would likely crush Mikaela Shiffrin’s spirit if she were to finish second in slalom to a dog, elite competition pushes true champions to new levels of greatness.
5. Snowboard. If a dog can skateboard, then a dog can snowboard. Plus, I feel like snowboarders—many of whom are cuddly and shaggy themselves—are the Olympians who would be most likely to welcome dogs to their competitive ranks and/or to adopt them. Also, the Olympic snowboarding dog would be the Olympic dog most likely to have a movie made about its life.
4. Speedskating. OK, now we’re getting to the sports where you don’t have to suspend disbelief to imagine Nazgul and his ilk winning gold. Dogs are very good at racing around ovular tracks, and there is no reason to think that this talent would not transfer to the skating rink. The main problem here would be training them to abide by the rules and not shift lanes illegally or attempt to bite their rivals.
3. Short-track speedskating. Like speedskating, but a shorter track, which I assume would be even less taxing for dogs. A dog might find the mass-start event a bit too chaotic, though.
2. Ice hockey. Hear me out. The question here isn’t, Could a team composed exclusively of dogs play Olympic ice hockey? The question is, Could a lone dog compete on an Olympic ice hockey team? The answer is: Absolutely. This hockey dog would be the most feared enforcer that Olympic hockey has ever seen. Yes, I know you’re not allowed to fight in Olympic hockey—but the dog wouldn’t have to fight. It would only have to growl, and perhaps bare its teeth, and the other team would skate away in fear. There’s no rule against growling in Olympic hockey, is there?
1. Cross-country skiing. This is the definitive answer. Cross-country skiing—i.e., going at top speed for long periods across relatively gentle terrain—is the sport that best aligns with what dogs are already good at. An Olympic cross-country skiing dog would win every race that it entered, and would make Johannes Hoesflot Klaebo look like just another bum off the street. Cue Chad Salmela: Here comes Doggins!
Continue reading...
If a dog could compete in the Winter Olympics, which disciplines would it be best at? This age-old question took on new relevance Wednesday, when a Czechoslovakian wolfdog dashed onto the cross-country skiing course during the women’s team sprint qualifiers. “So I’m going to say that it’s domesticated. Wants to enjoy the finish as well,” said commentator Duane Dell’Oca as the canine interloper, a local pooch named Nazgul, raced Croatia’s Tena Hadzic and Australia’s Phoebe Cridland across the finish line. “The biggest cheer of the day is not for any of the skiers so far,” Dell’Oca continued, as Nazgul sauntered around, eventually sniffing an Argentine skier’s butt. “Race organizers did not make Nazgul available for questions after his capture,” NPR later reported.
Clearly, the world wants to see a dog cross the finish line at the Winter Olympics. But it’s high time that they were allowed to do so not just as party crashers, but as full-fledged competitors. I know what you’re thinking: You can’t put a dog in the Olympics! Well, to paraphrase the immortal words of the referee in Air Bud, “Ain’t no rules say that dogs can’t compete in the Olympics.” And if there are rules that say that, well, I’m prepared to ignore them.
I have now spent the good part of a day pondering how a dog might fare in each of the 16 disciplines on the Milan Cortina program, and I have emerged from that period of contemplation with a definitive ranking of those disciplines in descending order of the likelihood that a canine Olympian might actually win a medal.
For the purpose of this exercise, we will take as a given that the dogs entered in these events are capable of using skis, skates, and sleds. As a visual aid for those in our audience who are not as imaginative as I am, my colleague has created an artist’s rendering of Nazgul the Czechoslovakian wolfdog as a monobob competitor.
You must be registered for see images attach
Nazgul wins gold (?) in the monobob. Photo illustration by Natalie Matthews-Ramo/Slate. Photos by Marco Bertorello/AFP via Getty Images and Anne-Christine POUJOULAT / AFP via Getty Images.
Now, to the rankings.
16. Biathlon. While I think a dog would do quite well in the cross-country skiing portions of the biathlon, its lack of opposable thumbs would render it useless in the portions that require it to operate a rifle. I’m willing to bend the rules to let a dog enter a biathlon race, but I cannot and will not bend the laws of nature to endow that dog with thumbs.
15. Luge. In the luge, competitors lie on their backs as they steer brakeless sleds down icy tracks at high speeds. Why is the luge a sport in the first place, let alone a sport for dogs? This admittedly fair question is beyond our purview here. Anyway, I don’t know much about dogs, but I do know that they tend to lie on their backs when they feel safe, relaxed, and warm, which are three things that they would definitely not be feeling when competing in the luge. They’d flip over soon after the race began and would be immediately disqualified.
14. Skeleton. Skeleton racers use their body weight and spatial awareness to hurtle face-first on a small sled down a track at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour. While you could likely get a dog to lay on its stomach atop the sled, one trip down a skeleton track would likely traumatize it for life, and I cannot imagine that even the best trainer could persuade it to return to the top of the track to race in a second heat. Another disqualification for Team Dog.
13. Curling. Dogs, let’s face it, are not known as the eggheads of the animal kingdom. I mean, they get fooled all the time when you pretend to throw a ball for them to fetch but don’t actually let it go. I simply don’t think that an everyday dog would be able to strategize in the way that Olympic curling requires, and I fear it would waste the entirety of its allotted “thinking time” by barking at the stones.
12. Ski jumping. Could a dog zoom down a ski ramp, jump into the air, and land gracefully? Yes, of course, nothing could be simpler or more delightful to watch. The real problem here comes down to body mass. Because lighter jumpers travel farther, and because the ski jumping establishment wants to dissuade its competitors from starving themselves in pursuit of Olympic glory, a ski jumper’s body-mass index cannot dip below 21 without being penalized. You’d have to be a very fat dog to have a BMI that sits at 21 or above, and a fat dog would likely have far too many comorbidities to excel at ski jumping.
11. Nordic combined. Same problem with ski jumping.
10. Freestyle skiing. I fear that a freestyle-skiing dog would be apt to get the twisties and would be incapable of holding it together long enough to stick the landing.
9. Figure skating. While a dog could certainly be trained to twizzle, and perhaps even to execute the full range of technical elements, I fear that a canine figure skater would struggle to connect the technical aspects of its program with the artistic elements, and would be scored harshly by the judges in that regard, thus rendering it a perpetual also-ran in Olympic competition. (The canine judge on the panel would do its best to put its paws on the scale for the skating dog, but its scores would be deemed suspicious and it would be handed a one-year suspension.)
8. Bobsled. If a team of dogs can be trained to pull a sled, then surely a team of dogs can be trained to drive a sled. The bobsled dogs’ elite sprint speed would give them an edge at the start. (“Another track record!,” the announcer would repeatedly exclaim.) The trip down the track would potentially devolve into chaos, though, as the dogs fought over who got to sit in the front and stuck their heads out the side, creating costly wind resistance.
7. Ski mountaineering. The canine skimo athletes would outclass their human brethren on the grueling uphill portions of the race, but would be immediately tripped up when the time comes to remove their skis and neatly stow them on their backpacks. The skimo dogs would earn a ton of three-second penalties and thus would never be truly competitive. They would, however, become immediate fan favorites and quickly accumulate many more Instagram followers than top-ranked skimo athlete Jon Kistler.
6. Alpine skiing. A skiing dog would have trouble identifying and sticking to the best and fastest available line in a downhill race, so they’d be no threat to the Breezy Johnsons of the world. But if a dog can nimbly navigate obstacles on an agility course, then surely it could maneuver around the gates in the slalom and giant slalom events. While it would likely crush Mikaela Shiffrin’s spirit if she were to finish second in slalom to a dog, elite competition pushes true champions to new levels of greatness.
5. Snowboard. If a dog can skateboard, then a dog can snowboard. Plus, I feel like snowboarders—many of whom are cuddly and shaggy themselves—are the Olympians who would be most likely to welcome dogs to their competitive ranks and/or to adopt them. Also, the Olympic snowboarding dog would be the Olympic dog most likely to have a movie made about its life.
4. Speedskating. OK, now we’re getting to the sports where you don’t have to suspend disbelief to imagine Nazgul and his ilk winning gold. Dogs are very good at racing around ovular tracks, and there is no reason to think that this talent would not transfer to the skating rink. The main problem here would be training them to abide by the rules and not shift lanes illegally or attempt to bite their rivals.
3. Short-track speedskating. Like speedskating, but a shorter track, which I assume would be even less taxing for dogs. A dog might find the mass-start event a bit too chaotic, though.
2. Ice hockey. Hear me out. The question here isn’t, Could a team composed exclusively of dogs play Olympic ice hockey? The question is, Could a lone dog compete on an Olympic ice hockey team? The answer is: Absolutely. This hockey dog would be the most feared enforcer that Olympic hockey has ever seen. Yes, I know you’re not allowed to fight in Olympic hockey—but the dog wouldn’t have to fight. It would only have to growl, and perhaps bare its teeth, and the other team would skate away in fear. There’s no rule against growling in Olympic hockey, is there?
1. Cross-country skiing. This is the definitive answer. Cross-country skiing—i.e., going at top speed for long periods across relatively gentle terrain—is the sport that best aligns with what dogs are already good at. An Olympic cross-country skiing dog would win every race that it entered, and would make Johannes Hoesflot Klaebo look like just another bum off the street. Cue Chad Salmela: Here comes Doggins!
Continue reading...
