Tongue-in-Cheek article: Suns vs Mavs

DeAnna

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http://www.dallasbasketball.com/mainArticle.asp


Today's Issue 04/01/2007 Hot Gas
We Blow Hard On Mavs-At-Phx
By Mike Fisher - DB.com
Assorted brilliant essays, snarky observations and stream-of-consciousness musings from an afternoon of Mavs-at-Suns watching:
THE BEST IN THE WEST: Phoenix 126, Dallas 104, and let's get this out of the way right off:
Perspective, please, people. Perspective.
A Suns-celebrating headline on NBA.com at 6:15 p.m.: 'The Best In The West.' And indeed, the Suns are the best team in the West -- among all those teams that are trailing 61-12 Dallas, that is. Seriously, what the hell is going on here? Is North Texas not far enough West or something? The Suns and the Mavs are now tied 2-2 this season, and this is the first time in the four meetings Dallas has been outplayed. Meanwhile, the Mavs might be slightly less inspired than the Suns, given the standings and all -- and having said that, Phx is just 5-4 since its win over the Mavs two weeks ago.
A blog sponsored by the Arizona paper claims "the Suns sent a message'' but. ... what's the message? That these are two of the three best teams in the West? How much of a dullard must one be to have not received that message months ago?
And I'm not just chastizing the Phx homers, but the MavVirus people among us. Let's cool it with the panic in the streets, shall we?
Maybe we should listen to the Phx coach's calming words. Says Moses Pray, "That's about as good as we can play.''
THE 'D' IN DALLAS: The Dirk-vs.-Nash-for-MVP story is a natural. The bigger story? What went wrong with the vaunted Mavs defense?
Dallas allowed the Big Balls of Hot Gas to shoot an astounding 65 percent from the floor -- which is a season-high for any team against any team in the NBA!
There are some technical aspects of the breakdown that will be analyzed in this space and by the Mavs coaching staff. We can point to a few minor factors, like the injury absence of center Erick Dampier (shoulder) that required Dirk to play a lot of 5. Or the way a lopsided fourth quarter (during which Phx shot 13-of-15) warped the result. Maybe there was a lack of defensive intensity, as Devean George noted they were "out of whack.'' And hey, the 126 points -- the most Dallas has permitted in regulation this year -- does come against the opponent most likely to score that many against anybody.
Said coach Avery Johnson of the Suns: "They had a good strategy, a good gameplan, they executed.''
And Avery's evaluation of the Mavs? "We never left the hotel.''
But I keep going back to this belief: Phoenix' attack -- it's strategy and its gameplan -- is designed to shoot 60 percent. They count on it. And if they do so, they win. If they fail to do so, they lose.
The question, if the Suns and the Mavs meet in the WCF is, will Phoenix shoot 60 percent in four of seven games? Will they play "as good as they can play'' over the course of a lengthy series, with home-court edge going against them?
DIRK IS SANJAYA: They're both known for varying hairstyles. They're both tall and rangy. They both have an ethnicity thing going. They both are squeal-worthy attractive to teenage girls. They both have talent (I'm serious; aren't Simon and Paul and that "dawg'' guy -- the judges who now laugh at Sanjaya's ineptitude -- the same three judges who originally deemed him worthy of a "Your Goin' To Hollywood'' invite?
But here's the greatest similiarity between The UberMan and the 'Idol' dork: They both seem terribly uncomfortable as they compete to claim an individual honor.
In Sanjaya's case, he must know he sucks; surely he cries himself to sleep at night, wondering when his suckitude will be fully exposed, maybe even hoping his fans will quit voting for him so he can go home. In Dirk's case, I've never seen an MVP candidate who wants it less.
Don't mistake that for not wanting to win, or for a lack of fortitude; critics who say that really don't know him or this team. Granted, in Dallas' 126-104 loss at Phoenix on Sunday in which he tallied 23 points, six rebounds and six assists can be used as yet another argument that Nowitzki "didn't play well in the spotlight'' (especially due to his 6-of-18 shooting). But one game here and one game there aside, Dirk's honesty and humility through all this is just one more reason he should win MVP. And he will win it. (Las Vegas now has him at 1/5, an overwhelming fave.)
Whether he wants to or not.
ALL-DEFENSIVE TEAM CANDIDATES: Avery has been touting Devin Harris and Josh Howard as All-NBA Defensive Team candidates, and while that honor may be in their future, I'm not feelin' it today.
For Devin to be All-NBA Defensive, he's going to have to be able to stick with the likes of Leandro Barbosa. Now, my hopes are high; I'm even hoping someday Devin becomes a good enough shooter to be LB's equal. But for now? Devin has a typical game for him: a brilliant knack for drawing charges, uncanny explosion to the hole, and a pedestrian line of driven down by mundane shooting. Oh, and what seems like a quick hook by his coach. Meanwhile, LB puts up 29 points.
And how do you make a case for Devin after that?
Meanwhile, Howard's best case for getting such recognition might come from what opposite number Shawn Marion didn't do. Marion is, in a sense, J-Ho's opposite number. And how do you vote for Marion after what Howard was able to do offensively? Howard finished with 28 points and seven boards. Midway through the second quarter J-Ho was already at 16 points. So put it this way: If Marion is All-NBA D, so is Josh.
DIRK'S ANKLE: One of these days, the NBA is going to crack down on the "walk-under,'' the move (however accidental) Marion used to force Nowitzki's exit from the game with a tweaked ankle.
With 2:43 left and Dallas down 114-100, there was no point in trying to milk more from Dirk, so he exited and Austin Croshere finished. Said Dirk, "I thought he undercut me a little bit, but it doesn't matter at that point. There was no foul called so we kept playing.''
Again, there's nothing to suggest that Marion did the deed on purpose. (There is evidence to suggest, however, that SA's Bruce Bowen has malicious intent.) And it had no grand inpact on this outcome. I guess the question is this:
What's to stop a team from changing the entire course of the NBA Playoffs by executing just one simple, subtle "walk-under''?
THE SPURS' BEST HOPE AGAINST THE BBHG: I don't think I'm grasping at straws here when I say that SA, watching this game, noticed a trend that plays into the Spurs' hands in a Spurs-Suns playoff meeting (not to mention in their coming duel this Thursday): The Big Balls of Hot Gas are VERY vulnerable to the 3-ball. In the last week, Sacto's Bibby made nine of 'em in a game, and then GS's Richardson made eight of 'em in a game, and here, the Mavs made their first seven 3's.
I don't believe an over-reliance on the trey should be a foundation of Dallas' anti-Suns plan. But the Spurs have to be feeling better about their impending Round 2 match-up with the Suns because of the fact that this year’s Spurs live and die by how they shoot 3’s.
APRIL FOOLISHNESS: ABC anchor Mike Breen thought he had a funny April Fools line regarding Dallas' signing of Kevin Willis. He joked that to counter-act the move, the Mavs' opponent would sign Patrick Ewing. The joke went over like a lead balloon, only partly because Michelle Tafoya had botched her setup by breathlessly reporting the scoop of Willis' signing "with the Suns.''
ABC guys, better to leave the network comedy to the likes of Jim Belushi and Jimmy Kimmel.
Or, on second thought, maybe not.
DIRK ON GQ?!: Nowitzki and Nash got together Saturday night for a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated (it will presumably run as a playoff preview). Talk of that mag cover prompted locker-room talk of this mag cover -- Dirk in GQ!
Oh, it's GQ Germany. Never mind.
P.S.: Way to dress up for GQ, Dirk.
MAVS EXECUTION? I'M IN FAVOR OF IT: A great Dallas strength: End-of-period execution. Standard Operation Procedure for the Mavs at the end of quarters has, of late, featured Jerry Stackhouse either a) running the baseline to receive a lob pass from Devin Harris or b) Stack in the middle of the floor on a clearout.
Maybe Avery was trying to add some new wrinkles here, but. ...
END OF FIRST: Devin wasn't on the floor, so Jason Terry handled things, driving into the lane, leaving his feet and in a panic, leaving it for Austin Croshere, who missed the jumper. No Devin, no Stack touch, no good.
END OF SECOND: The Mavs get the ball to Stack, but he's 26 feet away from the basket, and on the wing, and the ball gets slapped out of bounds with 2.8 seconds left. Dallas inbounds. ... and throws it into the backcourt! That's a violation (ABC reported that Mavs players didn't know the rule on the violation, which simply cannot be true), and the Mavs don't even get a shot off.
END OF THIRD: Well, it's gotta be Stack's turn now, right? After all, he's 9-of-12 so far in this game, and he'll finish 11-of-16 for 25 points. But no. Devin -- possibly passing on an open Dirk -- takes and misses a baseline jumper. Dammit.
END OF FOURTH: Well, I really didn't care by this time.
IF CUBAN FELL, WOULD IT MAKE A SOUND?: Brace yourself for a postseason overflowing with the catch-22 silliness that is the Mark Cuban interview.
An appetizer comes courtesy of Jennifer Love Floyd Hewitt Engel in the Star-Telegram in which she joins the gaggle of reporters around Cuban while he's aboard his Stairclimber and essentially asks him if his "answering interview questions creates a distraction for the team?''
But. ... um. ... the only reason he's answering interview questions is because you're asking them!
Consider Cuban's options: He can a) grant the interviews and get ripped for it; or b) decline the interviews and get ripped for that.
Seriously, this maddeningly hypocritical process is just like me getting upset at your for dripping blood on my carpet. ... after I just got done stabbing you.
Let me offer another catch-22'y media story from Sunday. ABC anchor Mike Breen reported that when you ask Nowitzki and Nash "would you rather win the MVP or win a championship?', they look at you like there is something wrong with you.'''
Um. ... no spit, Sherlock. If you'd rather win an MVP than win a title, there IS something wrong with you. In fact, there may be something wrong with the media people who continue to ask these stupid questions.
DEFINE A 'DAGGER': A few years ago it became popular in basketball parlance to term a critical late-game jumpshot a "dagger.'' You know, "a short pointed weapon with sharp edges,' or for out purposes, 'something that agonizes, tormets or wounds.' So why now does every long jumper get termed by announcers 'a dagger!'? In this Mavs-Suns game, there was NO dagger. (Unless you count Marion's nasty 'walk-under.') So cut it out.
And that goes for Monday, too, Jim Nantz and Billy Packer.
THAT'S AMARE: Amare's shooting percentage might be Avery's greatest back-to-the-drawing-board concern. He was 10-of-13 for 24 here, 13-of-21 for 40 the last time out. That's 23-of-34. Ouch. In the last 10 games against Dallas, he's averaging 28 ppg on 60-percent shooting.
"It's just tough (on the opponent),'' Stoudemire says, "because my jumper is falling now. So it makes it harder to figure out what I'm going to do. I'm either going to shoot the jumper, drive around them or pass it out for a 3. It's pretty much 'pick your poison' with myself.''
Clearly, 'STAT' can do it all. Except for the humility thing. That could use a little work.
WHO ELSE SHOULD BE 'SCARED' OF THE WARRIORS?: It should be pointed out that while Mavs followers admit to being scared of Nellie and his Warriors, it was that same group that this week knocked off the Suns. It can be argued that in that game, Nellie showed Suns coach Moses Pray who's the boss when it comes to the run-and-gun.
Does this mean Nellie has the "mojo" on the Suns and Nash, just like the media loves to report he does on the Mavs?
FISHELLANEOUS: A stunning stat from a BBHG that relies on the perimeter shot: Phx topped Dallas in the paint, 50 to 16. ... In the early ABC game, Mike Tirico reported that Shaq wants to some day be "a GM, a team president.'' And Tirico apparently said this with a straight face. I thought Shaq wanted to grow up to be a cop. Or a movie star. Or a rapper. Or an astronaut. Or a doctor. Or a fireman. Or an Indian chief. Or a. ... ... A weird, brief wrinkle: Big Devean George assigned to little Steve Nash. It was for a very brief time, and I'm not sure it worked, but the 6-8, 235-pound George guarding the smallish Nash? Interesting. ... Is it just me, or is ABC's lower-bowl camera angle nausea-inducing? Not only can I not see the action as I conventionally like it, but in addition to my pen and notepad, I need to equip myself with a barf bag. (Here's my answer) ... ABC analyst Mark Jackson seems to like and respect the Mavs, but he threw me for a loop with this late-game criticism: "You cannot allow any team to shoot 60 percent in their own building!'' When WOULD it be OK, Mark? At home? ... I think there are some MVP-watchers waiting for somebody to bust out for a series of 50-point games. If so, they'll be disappointed in Dirk AND in Nash (a fine 23-point, 11-assist effort in this game.) If you really think the 82-game MVP should be a guy who scored 50 in some games in March so his team could advance to being a second-tier seed, there is that candidate. ... Those patches on the neck of Jerry Stackhouse? Some sort of pain-relieving Band-Aids. They looked like white hickeys to me. ... Let me tell you, NOBODY watches more TV than I do. So ABC missed the boat (no pun intended) when it tried to shove actress Emilie DeRavin down our throats. Between the star-studded promos featuring her and the "******''-bashing black guy from "Grey's Anatomy'' and, well. ... Jim Belushi, I apologize. Maybe you're not so bad after all.

855pm April 1 2007
 

dreamcastrocks

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Had some funny lines, but Marion tried to undercut Dirk????? That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. You can't undercut someone 23' from the basket from as far away as he was. You are taught to run at a defender at full speed.

The Amare line was funny though.
 

Chaplin

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Dirk stepped on Marion's ankle as Shawn was turning to go to the basket. There was no undercut. It was an accident, plain and simple.

As for the article, there was some funny stuff in there, but the guy can't write very well.
 

dreamcastrocks

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Dirk stepped on Marion's ankle as Shawn was turning to go to the basket. There was no undercut. It was an accident, plain and simple.

As for the article, there was some funny stuff in there, but the guy can't write very well.

I thought the writer was referring to when Dirk shot the 3 and Marion ran out and Dirk's heel landed on Marion's foot?
 

slinslin

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I thought the writer was referring to when Dirk shot the 3 and Marion ran out and Dirk's heel landed on Marion's foot?

Marion didn't run out or slide under him or anything. Marion went up to contest the shot and he landed before Dirk with Dirk landing on his foot.
 

dreamcastrocks

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Marion didn't run out or slide under him or anything. Marion went up to contest the shot and he landed before Dirk with Dirk landing on his foot.

That's what I mean. There was no undercutting of any sort on that play.
 

Ronin

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Those patches on the neck of Jerry Stackhouse? Some sort of pain-relieving Band-Aids. They looked like white hickeys to me. ...
855pm April 1 2007
I was wondering about that too, I don't remember Mike Breen or Mark Jackson bringing it up during the game.
 

elindholm

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I thought the piece was pretty funny, and better written than most sports drivel on the internet.

Marion was moving forward to challenge Nowitzki's shot and ended up sliding into the space where Nowitzki landed. Technically that's a foul, but it wasn't a big deal.
 

jbeecham

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Marion's foot may have slid into Dirks space a little bit, but Dirk was also twisting his body in mid-shot so his feet didn't land anywhere close to where he took off from. To claim there was any intent on Marion's part is silly.
 

Chaplin

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I thought the piece was pretty funny, and better written than most sports drivel on the internet.

Marion was moving forward to challenge Nowitzki's shot and ended up sliding into the space where Nowitzki landed. Technically that's a foul, but it wasn't a big deal.

If anything, it was just Marion's foot, the rest of his body was already leaning away from Dirk as he was turning to go toward the basket.
 

CaptainInsano

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Gotta call it even though because stackhouse practically football tackled barbosa after a 3 with a no call from the refs.
 

CaptainInsano

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Oh and if the dallas media along with cuban keeps this ref complaining up I wouldn't be surprised to see phoenix get the miami treatment vs dallas so they should shut their damn biased cakeholes already.
 

jbeecham

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ESPN has highlights of the Suns Mavs game and they show the play where Dirk gets injured. Dirk shoots from behind the 3pt line and Marion's foot is on the 3pt line when Dirk comes down on it. Dirk actually lands so far forward that his back foot lands on Marion's foot on the 3pt line and gets injured.
 

CaptainInsano

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ESPN has highlights of the Suns Mavs game and they show the play where Dirk gets injured. Dirk shoots from behind the 3pt line and Marion's foot is on the 3pt line when Dirk comes down on it. Dirk actually lands so far forward that his back foot lands on Marion's foot on the 3pt line and gets injured.

Dallas media = owned
 

azirish

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Let's face it. Marion is not supposed to be even close to Dirk. Dirk is going to be the MVP and standing close to him is just acceptable. How dare he get in Dirks way. :p
 

TucsonDevil

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The writer also states that Marion was guarding Josh Howard, and thus let Howard go off... Hmmm, maybe on switches. For the most part, Marion's defensive assignment is Dirk.
 
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DeAnna

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The funny part is that the Mavs fans are saying the Suns play "dirty" :p
 

TheFallen49

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On a more debateable note, Mr. Hollinger said something even Mavs fans wouldn't say:

Garry,Irvine CA: Dirk over Nash for MVP? Sure, I can go with that. Dirk the "obvious" better No. 1 over Nash? C'mon now. Please explain.

John Hollinger: You mean besides the fact that they played on the same team for five years and nobody ever even hinted that Nash might be the better player? Or the butt-whipping Dirk inflicted on them in the conference finals last year? Sorry, Nash is great, but Dirk's in a different class.


A different class? I was wondering about your response to that, I think it's a little on the homerism side, which is funny because until this season he loved criticizing everything related to the Mavericks.
 

jbeecham

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Dirk is an unbelievable jump shooter and a decent passer, but a completely different class of player? I don't think so. He's not doing anything different this season that he hasn't done for the last 3 yrs, but the rest of his team is better and they have a better record. When was the last time an MVP won the award for only being a dominant jumpshooter (without being dominant in any other area)?
 
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elindholm

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I don't understand why everyone says that the 2006 conference finals were incredibly meaningful, but the 2005 second-round matchup was irrelevant. The core of each team has been the same for three years (except for Stoudemire missing last year).
 

jbeecham

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I don't understand why everyone says that the 2006 conference finals were incredibly meaningful, but the 2005 second-round matchup was irrelevant. The core of each team has been the same for three years (except for Stoudemire missing last year).

Because they only believe facts that support their argument.
 

Cheesebeef

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On a more debateable note, Mr. Hollinger said something even Mavs fans wouldn't say:

Garry,Irvine CA: Dirk over Nash for MVP? Sure, I can go with that. Dirk the "obvious" better No. 1 over Nash? C'mon now. Please explain.

John Hollinger: You mean besides the fact that they played on the same team for five years and nobody ever even hinted that Nash might be the better player? Or the butt-whipping Dirk inflicted on them in the conference finals last year? Sorry, Nash is great, but Dirk's in a different class.


A different class? I was wondering about your response to that, I think it's a little on the homerism side, which is funny because until this season he loved criticizing everything related to the Mavericks.

my response to Holliger's drivel is simple: look back two years ago and you see Nash average 30 ppg and 10 assts in the butt-whipping we laid on them, while missing JJ and playing with only 5 players. And then look at last year's "butt-whipping" and realize it still took Dallas 6 games to beat a completely beaten down team without both of their front line starters starters and a one-legged Raja Bell.

both guys are unbelievable basketball players, probably on the exact same plane and to say one is greater than the other is pretty stupid IMO.
 

Treesquid PhD

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I don't understand why everyone says that the 2006 conference finals were incredibly meaningful, but the 2005 second-round matchup was irrelevant. The core of each team has been the same for three years (except for Stoudemire missing last year).

It's easier to create a Reductive Fallacy and constrain the argument to your point, nevermind that the Suns and Mavericks are essentially dead even the past 3 years, it's so much easier to just say the Mavericks wasted the Suns than to present real facts and furthermore, he also asserts that two events occur together (Dallas wins the series therefore Dirk > Nash in 2007), so they must be causally related. It's a ******** because it ignores other factors that may have caused Dallas to win the series.

Bottomline, he is using textbook fallacies to make his point, even if he doesn't know it himself.
 

sunsfn

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If the suns and the mavs meet in the finals, the suns will win, and Nash will outplay Nowitzki, then Holinger can go K*** my white a**! :D

Close, to the same words that Alvin Gentry used in the book :07 seconds or less. :thumbup:
 

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