Frank Hughes

Chaplin · June 4th, 2003, 07:53 PM

One of the best articles I've ever read by Hughes on ESPN.com:

Quote:

What to watch when Joumana isn't on your screen

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By Frank Hughes
Special to ESPN.com

As we head into the first game of the NBA Finals between the San Antonio Spurs and the New Jersey Nets, there are several important keys that we should keep an eye on as the series progresses:

1. How many gratuitous camera shots of Joumana Kidd are we going to endure? I actually don't get the whole Joumana thing? I mean, yeah, sure, she is nice to look at and sweet as honey with T.J. on her lap. But there are what, 23 other wives and girlfriends of players? And we don't get to/have to see them in the stands, their every reaction recorded for posterity when their husbands do well. I wonder if we would be seeing so much of Joumana if the prime demographic watching the game was not a bunch of Shallow Hals. Worse, even when the camera is not on Joumana, we are reminded of her each and every time Jason blows her a kiss before a free throw. I wonder if she blows him a kiss before she does a stand-up spot on her television show. If Jason actually stays with the Nets after becoming a free agent this summer, maybe they'll change the team's name to the New Joumana Nets.

2. Speaking of which, how many graphics will we get to see comparing the game-by-game and series statistics of Kidd (Jason, that is) and Tony Parker, the player whom Kidd supposedly is going to replace next season? Wouldn't it be great if the young fella actually outplayed the vet? After all, Parker was almost traded for Gary Payton once upon a time, and Parker abused Payton in the first round of the playoffs last season. In my opinion, the kid has handled the entire situation with extreme dignity and class, given that the entire situation is an insult to him, and he has done it at a time that feelings of splendor have not exactly been extended toward the French. Of a more personal nature, I'd love Parker to be able to explain why his country has such a fascination with Jerry Lewis.

3. While we're on the subject of dignity and class, two traits which are admirable, how many references will there be to this being the last hurrah for David Robinson, The Admiral? How do you manage a fair dedication to Robinson? He is one of the top 50 players of all time, and he may be the most maligned (well, he and Scottie P) because he is considered as soft and squishy as Yellow Jello. However, he also is one of the best people of all time, polite, available, charitable beyond expectation, just a good, good guy. I wonder, will the fact that he is going to win a second championship -- which, by the way, is two more than Stockton, Malone and Barkley combined -- a championship that comes without an asterisk (thank you, Phil), validate Robinson's career? Probably not, but then, I'm quite certain Dave doesn't care.

4. Now that we're discussing centers, what the heck ever happened to Dikembe Mutombo? You know, that 7-foot-2 lad who is making in excess of $16 million this season, almost twice as much as Joumana's hubby. The last time I saw Deke, I think he was using his face as target practice for Shaquille O'Neal's elbows in the Finals in Philadelphia. His willingness to have his face reconstructed without a scalpel earned him the big contract, but since then, he has been shelved more often than a John Grisham tome. I mean, for all we know, the guy went back to the Congo during the conference finals to learn the language of the 12th man and nobody noticed. Perhaps if this series gets out of hand, which it very well could, Byron Scott will panic and remember he employs Mutombo, who just might give Tim Duncan something to think about besides which SPF he is going to use on the beach this summer.

5. Did somebody say panic? How about the television producers at ABC, who tend to want to project shots outside the arenas to show the surrounding beauty? Only, how do you show the pristine layout of a swamp and a fairgrounds? Seriously, could you pick two cities whose arenas are in worse locations? (Maybe the Pistons, whose arena lies in the middle of a field, which Rick Carlisle now likes to call the Killing Field. By the way, didn't Larry Brown say he would not speak with Washington because Doug Collins was still the coach? Just wondering what happened to that respect when it came to Carlisle.) Anyway, back to the venues -- unfortunately. Exit 16W's shortcomings have been well-documented, so we don't really need to detail that issue much more. But the Spurs went from the Alamodome right downtown, a short hop from the Riverwalk, to a spot 12 miles outside of town that literally lies in the middle of a stable area. It was done so that the new SBC Center could be built, accommodating both the Spurs and the rodeo, but man oh man what a sacrifice. I can hear Bill Walton now: "What were they thinking?"

6. Finally, how badly will the Spurs defeat the Nets? If they don't trounce New Jersey, the Spurs may go down as the most fragile NBA champion since the 44-win Washington Bullets won the title in 1978. Seriously, if the Spurs blow any more leads, they are going to be investigated for fixing games. However, the thing I love about the series is that all season long people have dumped on the Eastern Conference for being so inferior. Now that the Finals are here, and people want to justify their existence, suddenly New Jersey has a shot to win. Why? Nothing has changed. San Antonio is still more dominant; it did win more games than any team in the league, after all. The Spurs just haven't performed dominantly in the postseason. But that came AGAINST THE WESTERN CONFERENCE. Now that they are going against the East, they should find a groove again. I love Kenyon Martin. I saw him in an interview where he was indignant, saying, "We didn't get the respect we deserved last year, and we aren't getting it this year." Uh, Kenyon, you got SWEPT in the Finals last year. And looked bad doing it. You got exactly the amount of respect you deserved against the Lakers. And if things go accordingly, you will get the same amount of respect this year against the Spurs.

Frank Hughes, who covers the NBA for the Tacoma (Wash.) News-Tribune, is a regular contributor to ESPN.com.

jbeecham · June 4th, 2003, 09:36 PM

Good stuff!

sunsfn · June 5th, 2003, 04:33 AM

Excellant article, thank for putting it on........

Dback Jon · June 5th, 2003, 05:49 AM

LMAO....

On the Joumama front -

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/baske...ana-kidd_x.htm

Big article on her in Usatoday

Ugh

PhiLLmattiC · June 5th, 2003, 07:52 AM

Damn, she's kind of hot. The thing is no one in the tri-state knows or even cares who she is. In fact, a lot of people know think that the Spurs are going to win. It is kind of annoying to see her in the papers though. She's just not that interesting. She's hot though.

hoopdeedofor2 · June 5th, 2003, 02:33 PM

I still think she has to much facial hair. She isn't that great! Her personality SUCKS! ME ME ME ME ME AHHHH!!