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How freaking ironic. Good Friday of all days. And I severed all communication from my boys to the outside world.
Just had the vasectomy done. Got to the appointment @ 8:30.
Went into the Drs. office and was greeted by two really cute receptionists. They were early 20s - very sweet.
Checked in and went back to the room. Dr. told my to strip from the waist down & hop up on the table. Did so & another cute girl - I guess she was a nurse(?) came in & told me to lie back and put my knees into some stirrup straddle things. I was like - hey my wife did this when she was preggers, I can do this too. The nurse then put a surgical cloth over my area of joy. I was really hoping for a prostate massage from her. She said "Well it looks like we'll have to make this hole in the dressing bigger." I bet they say that to everyone - but it did feel good coming from her.
She then swabbed my balls with some sterile solution and told me the doctor would be in momentarily.
Doc came in - he looked like Mr. Roper from Three's Company. Talk about having confidence in your doctor.
He hands me this bottle of something and tells me to hold it upside dow. He then grabs a freaking needle and tells me to hold the bottle still while he sucks out the novacaine. I look at the needle and back to Roper and ask him if he's serious. He says yes and if I pass out to make sure I drop it on my chest so it won't fall and crash on the floor. Talk about having confidence in your doctor.
So he draws out the medicine & I see the shot filling up with stuff - there must have been about 10 ccs of medicine. I ask him if he's gonna float all of that stuff into my sack and he says - "No, just into your Vas Deferens."
I'm like good gawd, man, be easy on the boys. He sticks me with the needle. It really didn't feel too bad - kinda like when you put about 8 or 9 clothespins on your bag when you feel kinky. He then said I may feel some tugging as he's pulling out the vas d. It kind of reminded me of the feeling when you pull a spaghetti noodle out of your mouth with pursed lips, except it was from my balls instead. Didn't feel too bad - just a weird feeling. It was an interesting feeling - almost erotic in a way.
If the the nurse was doing this, there's no doubt in my mind that we would have had a moment both of us would have cherished for some time. But I'm married and the Doctor looked like Mr. Roper - so we had none of that. He put these metal clamps on each end of the vas d. and then tugged on my scrote and said "Goodbye - nice to meet ya," as each end sucked back up into my sack. Again the feeling was kinda like the spaghetti thing, except this time it was like sucking a strand with pursed lips and the feeling was in my balls.
He then said "Time for the other side." and jabbed me with the needle again without warning. If I were in a different place and with a different person (wife or supermodel) this would almost feel erotic - like a nice sharp fingernail jabbing you there - but Alas, I was with Mr. Roper and his instruments of joy.
Went through the whole tugging thing again - knew what to expect this time so I took myself to a different place - supermodels and mashed potatoes, supermodels and mashed potatoes.
He popped the tubes back into their place and started to lace me up - "Just like a moccosin" he said - Good lord, I snorted.
"Your done" he said. I was like - hey how about the nurse coming back in & giving me that prostate massage - no one gets a free look without earning it. But that didn't happen. Put the shorts and skivvies back on.
Roper gave me a scrip for pain & another for an anti-biotic. I told him with the nurse still there "Probably won't need the one for pain." Nurse looked me over & smiled at me and left. I then told the doc the "Better make the pain scrip a double dose. I guess you can never be too careful." He said something inaudible and sighed, something like, it's been a long week or something and the weekend can't come soon enough. He said that I need to come back in a week and then after 3 months or about 30 ejaculations to get the sperm count.
So i go out to make my follow up appointment and tell the nurse about my next appointments, but say - "He wants me to schedule a follow up after about 30 ejaculations - do you have any appointments on Monday?" Needless to say, she wasn't amused and said that she'll schedule me for the 1 week follow up and a 3 month follow up. There was an old couple sitting in the waiting area - they thought it was rather funny though. She said - take advantage of being able to do that when your still young, and elbowed her husband. He he.
So now here I sit at work - 2 hours after my procedure, with an icepack on my nuts and contemplating my next move. the numbess is starting to subside and I'm starting to get that nauseous feeling you get after being punched in the balls. It's a dull ache - but not too bad. So I think I'm gonna go home at noon and sit on the couch all freaking weekend and milk this for what it's worth. And just on principle alone - gonna get lucky tonight just because ever since I was 20 or so, told myself that if I ever got this done, that I would "Do it" the same night.
Happy Easter everybody - be safe and really reflect on how lucky we all are.
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