The Official X-Files Thread

[Chaplin]

Originally Posted by thirty-two

You've got competition, my friend!

I NEVER guess!

AND I never lie!

[thirty-two]

Originally Posted by Chaplin

I NEVER guess!

AND I never lie!

Of course you dont lie! You "actively participate in a campaign of misinformation!"

[Chaplin]

Originally Posted by thirty-two

Of course you dont lie! You "actively participate in a campaign of misinformation!"

Maybe I can be president!

[SirStefan32]

Originally Posted by thirty-two

winner!

Woo-hoo!

[thirty-two]

I love reading reviews over past episodes - anyone have any good links to some sites?

My favorite is xfilesreviews.com.

And Autumn T's reviews, too (she was hilarious).

[SirStefan32]

http://patientx.i8.com

[SirStefan32]

How Many X-Philes Does It take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
23 to look at the bulb and get distracted because they realize it reminds them of a scene from The X-Files

47 to note the vaguely heart-shaped bulb and discuss how it symbolizes the romantic love between Mulder and Scully

19 to protest, "But that s what happened with the Moon Light Bulbs and it RUINED them!"

25 to write Mulder/Scully Romance fanfic based around the lightbulb(at least eight to 10 of these will be called "Light of My Life")

4 to go start an MST3K-style web site making fun of aforementioned fanfic

831 to participate in the ensuing flame war on alt.tv.x-files.creative

7 to start a new "Light Bulb Angst" fanfic archive

12 to suggest that they not screw in the bulb because then the room will be dark and it will be more X-Files-ish

7 to observe that bees could conveniently be hidden in light bulbs, and from there make a series of deductions and write long treatises on how they have figured out the entire alien conspiracy plot, complete with a prediction of what the last scene in the show will be and where exactly Samantha Mulder is

9 to find a secret code on the box of light bulbs which explains why Krycek is really a good guy

1 to actually screw in the light bulb

21 to suggest that the reason it only took 1 Phile to screw in the bulb is that the manufacturer has sold out his artistic integrity and the bulb is "dumbed down for the masses," and therefore start a Light Bulb Disenchantment Society

34 to say that the light bulb is just as good as it ever was and that the LBDS crowd must be missing the subtext in the light bulb

41 to stand in awe of the bulb's brightness and start an Order of the Blessed Enigmatic Light Bulb, nicknaming anyone who turns the lights off a "punk"

33 to post messages informing everyone that the light bulb's manufacturer is now devoting his time to a second project to develop halogen lamps

27 to reply with "HALOGEN LAMPS SUCK! I M BOYCOTTING!"

12 to try to get Spoilers about the upcoming shipment of light bulbs

19 Skinner fans to go buy more of the light bulbs because the bulbs remind them of the top of their favorite character's head

3 to notice that the bulb's power is measured in "Watts" and speculate on a possible Millennium crossover

28 to complain that there are too many comedy light bulbs this year

2 to accidentally break the bulb while trying to replicate Mulder's mirror-dance from "Dreamland"

38 to wander into chat rooms and ask, "OH NO, IS THE LIGHT BULB REALLY DEAD?"

7 to go to the hardware store and buy some more bulbs (it would have taken fewer, but 4 of them got delayed because they kept asking the manager if he had any "nice cerulean blue" paint and laughing hysterically)

2 to screw in the new light bulb (they wanted to be especially careful this time, because Vince Gilligan designed it)

1 to turn the light off and leave the room . . . because The X-Files is on!

[SirStefan32]

SO WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

Fox Mulder: No government agency has jurisdiction over the chicken. The chicken is out there, Scully, and we will find it.

Dana Scully: There is a logical, scientific explanation for the chicken crossing the road. We need more evidence.

Walter Skinner: :::teeth clenched::: You've got 24 hours to find out why that @!!*@!@ chicken crossed the road!!!

CSM: :::blows puff of smoke::: There was no chicken.

Alex Krycek: Because he can't decide WHAT side he's really on.

Byers: It was trying to escape the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century.

Langly: It was on its way to the grassy knoll, dude.

Frohike: :::snapping a photo::: I don't know, but she's hot.

Bill Mulder: It heard the words, and they made sense to it.... merchandise...fryer parts....

Mrs. Mulder: I have told you that I don't remember any chicken.

Mrs. Scully: I had a dream about the chicken being taken away....

Melissa Scully: The chicken needed to get in touch with its inner self, to find the light and the good. It was in a very dark place...

Bill Scully, Sr.: One day the chicken and I will be together again...

Bill Scully, Jr.: Dana, you spend too much time worrying about chickens... for HIM? You should be home with your family!

Queequeg: Woof! (translation: to avoid being eaten by Big Blue.)

Agent Pendrell: To get Dana a birthday present.

The Well-Manicured Man: It will cross the road in one of two ways....

Deep Throat: Mr. Mulder, they crossed the road a very long time ago. Trust no fowl.

X: The chicken is choosing a dangerous time to cross alone. The road is still out there, but it's never been more dangerous.

Marita Covarrubias: I don't know how much I can tell you about the chicken.... Oh yessssss, the chickenssssss. How much time do you have?

[thirty-two]

lol funny stuff

[SirStefan32]

It's hillarious-

You might be an X- phile if:

You own more than two X-Files books
You've ever spent more than four dollars on a magazine just because it had "X-Files" written somewhere in it.
You've ever spent more than six hours in one day watching X-Files
You've memorized episodes without trying
You own more than one X-Files toy
You've dreamt about the show or one it's stars more than twice
You proudly wear X-Files clothes in public
When anyone says they like the show, you're ready to "challenge" them to prove you a better fan and you think you've won when they tell you to leave them alone and walk away
You believe the show is real
Mulder is now your god (Mulder help me...)
You get angry when you see someone else wearing an X-Files shirt because they're not a real fan.
You've watched certain episodes so many times that members of your family who don't like the show have memorized them
You've "tested" yourself to see how many episodes you can name
You missed less than ten
You write "foxhunt" everywhere
You've seen the movie Kalifornia
Your thinking of seeing it again
Looking at a picture of DD is your "cup of coffee" in the morning
You understand the conspiracy
You went from never seeing the show, to being completely obessed with it in less than six months
You've ever memorized an episode less than 12 hours after it aired
You've ever audio recorded yourself watching X-Files
You can tell what season it is by Scully's hairstyle.
You can name four producers
You are constantly trying to convert people into new fans, but only those who you think are "worthy"
You know the birthdays of both Mulder and Scully and DD and GA
You've watched episodes that contain subtitles (ex: Patient X) that you no longer need them because you understand the Russian, German, Spanish etc.
You had the day the movie came out on video marked on your calender
You think the Monday after the season premeire should be a holiday off school
You feel the need to comment every time you hear an XF title in normal speech (including little ones like "Hungry" and "3")
Every time you try to say the title of the movie "Usual Suspects" it comes out "Unusual Suspects"
When you hear someone talking about the JFK assasination or Sadam Hussien you smile to yourself because you know the real truth.
You insist your phone is tapped and prefer to have conversations over a "secure" line.
When flipping through a magazine you see the word "X-Files" buried in an article about something else you weren't interested in.
Your bedroom is wallpapered in X-Files pictures but you still don't think you have enough.
You are raving made for days when you realize your local cable company does not carry FX.
You bought the Scream soundtrack just for the song Red Right Hand.
When you are bored you begin playing whole episode in your head, becoming so involved that when someone attempts to talk to you you respond with whatever line of dialogue you were on ("How are you?" "You can't bury the truth.")
Your doorbell rings and you seriously believe that Mulder and Scully will be there.
You blame every medical problem you have on "the abduction" which you think you repressed the memory of.
You wrote E.B.E. on your hand just so people would ask you what it stands for and you can confidently state "Extraterrestrial Biological Entity"

[Chaplin]

Hmmm...

[thirty-two]

Anyone want to talk about Scully and her "child" Emily?

When I think of Emily, I do not think of her as Scully's child. I think of her as some alien experiment using Scully's ova. I just choose to overlook those episodes cuz it royally upsets me to think that Scully had a child that wasn't with Mulder.

[SirStefan32]

It's CSM's kid.

[SirStefan32]

On a serious note, I agree with you. I kinda forget about that story line just like I forget about seasons 8 and 9 altogether.

[thirty-two]

Originally Posted by SirStefan32

It's CSM's kid.

Do you think Mulder is CSM's kid?