Gay child - Page 4

phillycard · October 4th, 2005, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krepitch

That's harsh, man.

It's not to be harsh guys. I'm sorry if I'm coming of as homophobic, because I'm definately not. I'm just saying that me doing that would be my way of dealing with it. If he's gay, I have no choice to respect that, just don't bring it in my house. I want my kids to be happy period. I just have my own personal limitations.

phillycard · October 4th, 2005, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dback Jon

That is really sad, philly, and I hope you don't have children, because obviously you don't have what it takes to be a father. Either you love and accept your kids, or you don't, and if you don't, then you should not have them in the first place.

No Dback, I don't mean it like that at all. My family is highly religious and it's simply a matter of personal choice. I will always acccept my kids for what they are, and hope that they find happiness with anybody, black, asian, white, gay, straight whatever. I raise them to LOVE everyone regardless of their personal makeup. I just choose to not co-sign on THAT particular aspect, and have them bring their gay lover all in my face in MY house. It kills me how people are quick to talk about a persons personal choice in sexuality, but bring race into it and see how the tone changes. Lets pose a question and ask if you're son or daughter came home with a black man or woman how accepting you'd be. Not YOU per say D-Back, but I mean the general consensus who tell me I'm wrong for my stance. Race is a whole nother issue here and you know it bro. I've seen enough overt and subtle racism in my life with regard to interracial relationships to write a book on it. If a person is against it, fine you're entitled and I will respect that. Just go about it respectfully. I feel the same way about homosexuality. I will never be hurtful or mean about it, I just want my child to understand my feelings.

Rivercard · October 5th, 2005, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillycard

I will never be hurtful or mean about it, I just want my child to understand my feelings.

You may think you are being protective of your own feelings but I think your son would be hurt by the obvious dissapointment you have in him, and your kneejerk rule of banning boys from your home would be hurtful to your son as well.

Dback Jon · October 5th, 2005, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillycard

No Dback, I don't mean it like that at all. My family is highly religious and it's simply a matter of personal choice. I will always acccept my kids for what they are, and hope that they find happiness with anybody, black, asian, white, gay, straight whatever. I raise them to LOVE everyone regardless of their personal makeup. I just choose to not co-sign on THAT particular aspect, and have them bring their gay lover all in my face in MY house. It kills me how people are quick to talk about a persons personal choice in sexuality, but bring race into it and see how the tone changes. Lets pose a question and ask if you're son or daughter came home with a black man or woman how accepting you'd be. Not YOU per say D-Back, but I mean the general consensus who tell me I'm wrong for my stance. Race is a whole nother issue here and you know it bro. I've seen enough overt and subtle racism in my life with regard to interracial relationships to write a book on it. If a person is against it, fine you're entitled and I will respect that. Just go about it respectfully. I feel the same way about homosexuality. I will never be hurtful or mean about it, I just want my child to understand my feelings.

So you would CHOOSE to ignore/ban the person your child is in a relationship because of your CHOISE of a religion? I know far too many people with parents like you, and let me give you some advice, if you are ever in this situation: If you do CHOOSE to not allow a gay lover in, you are telling your child that you do not LOVE him, and the hurt can never be taken away.

DKCards · October 5th, 2005, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dback Jon

That is really sad, philly, and I hope you don't have children, because obviously you don't have what it takes to be a father. Either you love and accept your kids, or you don't, and if you don't, then you should not have them in the first place.

Talking about harsh.

There is a difference between love and acceptance. You can love someone with everything you have but that does not mean that you have to accept everything they do. If someone you love is doing something that you do not agree with you shouldn’t just be quiet and act like it doesn’t bother you. Talking about the problem is the only way to work through it. At least Philly is starting the process by telling him he loves him even though he doesn’t understand/agree with him.

PortlandCardFan · October 5th, 2005, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dback Jon

So you would CHOOSE to ignore/ban the person your child is in a relationship because of your CHOISE of a religion? I know far too many people with parents like you, and let me give you some advice, if you are ever in this situation: If you do CHOOSE to not allow a gay lover in, you are telling your child that you do not LOVE him, and the hurt can never be taken away.

Dback.... I would not have a problem with my child or a friend who was gay come into my home. However..... how would a gay couple take it if they showed affection in my home and it gave me a homophobic-shiver??

I think I would have a 40% chance of HS'ing.

CardLogic · October 5th, 2005, 09:20 AM

I understand philly's position.

In the same fashion that my unmarried son will not be allowed to share a bed in my home with a girlfriend, so also would a gay child of mine while in my home not be allowed to share a bedroom with their partner .

I can influence but not dictate what my child chooses in their own life, in their own home; but there are certain behaviors that will not be permitted in my home.

The same consistency might be applied to many behaviors. My child may at some point choose to smoke pot. Not a big deal with me. But he won't smoke pot in my house.

I will love my child regardless! But I am certain that I won't approve of everything he does. Allowing a behavior to occur under your own roof signifies an approval of the behavior.

krepitch · October 5th, 2005, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillycard

Be sure what it is that you want. Don't succumb to peer pressure, if that's what it is. I will always love you, but I won't lie and say I'm not hurt. Oh, and he's not welcome in my home. Sorry.

I'm a bit confused. Who is the he that is not welcome in your home? Your son or his boyfriend?

Rivercard · October 5th, 2005, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CardLogic

I understand philly's position.

In the same fashion that my unmarried son will not be allowed to share a bed in my home with a girlfriend, so also would a gay child of mine while in my home not be allowed to share a bedroom with their partner .

Yeah but that's different. Unless I read it wrong, Philly wouldn't let males in the house.

RedStorm · October 5th, 2005, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CardLogic

I understand philly's position.

In the same fashion that my unmarried son will not be allowed to share a bed in my home with a girlfriend, so also would a gay child of mine while in my home not be allowed to share a bedroom with their partner .

I can influence but not dictate what my child chooses in their own life, in their own home; but there are certain behaviors that will not be permitted in my home.

The same consistency might be applied to many behaviors. My child may at some point choose to smoke pot. Not a big deal with me. But he won't smoke pot in my house.

I will love my child regardless! But I am certain that I won't approve of everything he does. Allowing a behavior to occur under your own roof signifies an approval of the behavior.

Dback Jon · October 5th, 2005, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CardLogic

I understand philly's position.

In the same fashion that my unmarried son will not be allowed to share a bed in my home with a girlfriend, so also would a gay child of mine while in my home not be allowed to share a bedroom with their partner .

Three points: First, as long as the house rule is applied consistantly, no problem with that.

Second - unless you live in MA, etc, the gay child could not get married - so would there be a point (say they have been a couple for 10 years) that they would get "bedroom" priveledges?

Third - Phillycard was saying he would not even welcome them into the house.

My parents didn't allow my sister to stay in the same room as her boyfriend (and she was in her 40's, divorced with kids, etc), so requesting Rob and I to sleep apart was no biggie.

Dback Jon · October 5th, 2005, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PortlandCardFan

Dback.... I would not have a problem with my child or a friend who was gay come into my home. However..... how would a gay couple take it if they showed affection in my home and it gave me a homophobic-shiver??

I think I would have a 40% chance of HS'ing.

HS'ing?

Define affection. If it was full on necking - I don't like that from straight or gay couples in public.

MadCardDisease · October 5th, 2005, 10:01 AM

Counseling before it gets out of hand.

PortlandCardFan · October 5th, 2005, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dback Jon

HS'ing?

Define affection. If it was full on necking - I don't like that from straight or gay couples in public.

HS'ing = homophob-shivering!!

Not necking but maybe an open mouth kiss. I know I would get used to it but every time I see two males kiss I get the HS!!

Rivercard · October 5th, 2005, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PortlandCardFan

HS'ing = homophob-shivering!!

Lol. Glad to know there is an official name for that. Is it the same sensation as the heebie jeebies like when you enter a room full of spiders or is it somewhat different?