Here's how I'd fix the WNBA

Ryanwb · February 10th, 2006, 08:47 AM

Yes I have sat on this for a few days, no I don't think my idea is sexist and yes I think it will work.

(Pre-cursor events, all done under secret plan)

1) We need to comb the United States for an extremely hot 18 or 19 year old girl that has some sort of athletic ability a strong personality and again put emphasis on her being drop dead gorgeous. (i know this combination is unspeakably rare, but I'm sure she's out there)

(She needs to actually look good in shorts, which come to think about it may just be the WNBA uniforms because I haven't seen many looking good in those shorts. Another important part is she must be heterosexual. Not that there is anything wrong with lesbian acts, but when I was a kid I was thinking about Chris Everet and not Billie Jean King. Nuff said)

2) We train this girl to play basketball, she learns the fundamentals of shooting, passing, etc. She doesn't have to dominate, we're looking for Anna Kornikova, not someone who will actually care about winning

3) We enrole this girl in a small unknown school like Moorhead State or something and then just start pimping the crap out of her on National TV. Not only will enrolement at Moorhead state go up, but also this girl will have a buzz. Much like that Turavsi or whatever girl who plays for the Mercury. She was supposed to be the WNBA Michael Jordan, well she has the personality of a bagel and she isn't all that good looking.

4) She goes #1 in the WNBA draft.... to which she wears a stunning designer gown and shows off her tight little package. This is where we start running primetime commercials during male dominated shows showing her body off in suggestive outfits challenging men to watch her. Burn her into the mind of men in sexy outfits. Have her in Maxim, have a rumor going around that she turned down Playboy because "they could never afford her" yadda yadda yadda

5) She plays season 1... at this point, she doesn't need to do well. She only has to start every game and the WNBA continues to burn her in to evey mans mind in sexy outfits. An on court girl fight maybe necessary atleast once (a boob falling out during said fight is optional but encouraged)

6) After season 1 a sex tape hits the internet. Yes maybe I should have mentioned that in the beginning but it's too late she is already in too deep. If they need a lamer to pose with her in this tape, I'll be your Huckleberry and take one for the team.

7) At the start of year 2 the entire face of the WNBA will have changed. She will be a global superstar like Paris Hilton and never has to win crap in her life.... just keep up the sexy stuff and the men will come in droves

I will now log off and wait for my phone to ring from prospective marketing guru's who would like to use my idea

abomb · February 10th, 2006, 09:20 AM

(claps)

A-Bomb

MigratingOsprey · February 10th, 2006, 12:20 PM

or you could just close the doors to the WNBA and take these drop dead athletic beauties (of which you speak as WNBA replacements) and set up weekly stripping contests

why both with the facade of basketball at that point ... just put up multiple poles, some foxy boxing, oil wrestling and a lot of beer in the stands

each city could have a crop of their finest and it would encourage civic pride

Assface · February 10th, 2006, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryanwb

3) We enrole this girl in a small unknown school like Moorhead State or something and then just start pimping the crap out of her on National TV. Not only will enrolement at Moorhead state go up, but also this girl will have a buzz. Much like that Turavsi or whatever girl who plays for the Mercury. She was supposed to be the WNBA Michael Jordan, well she has the personality of a bagel and she isn't all that good looking.

1. I don't think anything beats a girl who goes to a college that sounds like "more head."

2. I like bagels, maybe I should meet this Taurasi lady.

nathan · February 10th, 2006, 02:08 PM

I have some doubts about that plan. You would need to have a substantial fraction of the WNBA be like that. I think you overestimate the drawing power your revamped WNBA would have (did you order the ppv of that lingerie bowl or have you watched rollergirls on cable?).

The only scenario I can envision the WNBA being very successful is a vast conspiracy where the American male is slowly emasculated until it is very acceptable to be both straight and a fan of women's basketball.

Ryanwb · February 10th, 2006, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nm132

I have some doubts about that plan. You would need to have a substantial fraction of the WNBA be like that. I think you overestimate the drawing power your revamped WNBA would have (did you order the ppv of that lingerie bowl or have you watched rollergirls on cable?).

The only scenario I can envision the WNBA being very successful is a vast conspiracy where the American male is slowly emasculated until it is very acceptable to be both straight and a fan of women's basketball.

First off, yes I have watched Rollergirls

...and secondly, I will admit that I am a very stern sexist and refuse to watch any women's sports. However I watched Anna Kornikova any chance I could. So I consider myself to be a good litmus test for the rest of the males in my demographic

Louis · February 10th, 2006, 07:45 PM

Easiest way to do it. Drop the w. All of them.

nathan · February 12th, 2006, 06:37 AM

How about merging the WNBA with the NBADL. They could then have rules that you have to have at least 8 or so women on the roster and no more than two men in the game at the same time. I would watch that for the comedy alone.

maddogkf · February 16th, 2006, 06:19 AM