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Old March 30th, 2004, 04:55 PM   #1
Assface
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Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay


Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other leaving from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth
Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown
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Old March 30th, 2004, 05:00 PM   #2
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Old March 30th, 2004, 05:11 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assface
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Holy crap! Never stop to eat in Silver Spring! Sounds like He's had experience with fried maggots.
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Old March 30th, 2004, 09:24 PM   #4
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Quote:
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


Irony alert...
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Old March 30th, 2004, 09:32 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assface
Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other leaving from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown
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Old March 30th, 2004, 09:33 PM   #6
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I think we should make Arthur post all essays he writes for us to proofread before he turns them in.
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Old March 31st, 2004, 02:11 AM   #7
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I thought some of them were actually creative
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Old March 31st, 2004, 01:55 PM   #8
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Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

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Old March 31st, 2004, 02:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assface
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
My favorite... this boy speaks from experience...
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Old January 4th, 2005, 10:40 PM   #10
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I need a couple more posts to reach 6000.
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Old January 5th, 2005, 06:04 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assface
I need a couple more posts to reach 6000.
Post padder!

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Old January 5th, 2005, 06:46 AM   #12
azdad1978
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Assface
Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other leaving from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth
Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown
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Old January 5th, 2005, 07:36 AM   #13
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hilarious

shawn
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