Welcome to ASFN Fan Forums! We're glad to have you here. Please feel free to browse the forum. We'd like to invite you to join our community; doing so will enable you to view additional forums and post with our other members.
Registered Members don't see these ads. Register now it's free!
why do most stand-up comedians sit on a stool for there show?
why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
if i drive race cars, does that make me a race-ist?
why are they called fingers if they don't fing?
why are the Yellow shipping company trucks orange and black?
who the heck invented the interent?
it costs nearly $2 million to legally show an episode of the Simpons
you can actually grow the tip of you finger back if it gets cut off
it is impossible to lick your own elbow
the first time someone hears that, they'll try to lick it
why are you said to be wreck less when you have lots of wrecks?
why is Spanish like a semester class when you take English through every school grade?
why is it that we can download millions of files a second, make cars run on hydrogen, and view television from anywhere in the world with the click of a button; but we can't find Osama Bin Laden??
why does everyone get superpowers when they get blasted by gamma rays?
wouldn't that cause like cancer?
a new study shows 40% of men don't kiss there wife goodbye when they leave for work, but the same study shows 90% of men kiss there house goodbye when they leave there wife.
People Magazine's Best and Worst Jobs list came out recently. Number 1 for the second straight year was "Buisness Marketing Multimedia Designer", and a surprise for worst job, last's years worst job "crack whore" was beaten out by "crack whore trainee"
If yes in french is oui oui, do you say "I have to find the bathroom! I got to take a wicked 'yes'!"
ever wonder why those exercise things from infomercials are never sold in stores? "That's right Jan, not sold in stores cause it's a piece of crap...I got the idea for it from smoking a lot of pot"
what exactly is in toothpaste? where does it some from?
bacon + eggs= bacon & eggs!
Billy cracked corn and i don't care, Phillip Cracked corn, i still don't care, Jeremy cracked corn and he is gggrrreeeeaatttt!! Take that you stupid corn!
has anyone ever found Waldo??
i think the only way President Bush could not get re-elected is if the legal voting age was lowered to 6 and to nominate Spongebob-Squarepants
some guy working at a Food Lion(it's like a Dillon's) actually accepted a $200 bill, on the bill was a picture of current President Bush and on the back was picket signs all around the White House saying things like "We need a Tax Cut"
moose farts smell like wet cats and yams
i hate the saying "you know what they say..." NO!! I DON'T!! and who is they anyway??
every question in the world can be answered with "yes/no" "stuff" "some guy" "a bunch"somthing" or "i dunno"
i can almost bet money that you'll never hear the phrase "well, i guess that's what i get for Riverdancing in a thong!"
when you think about it... should a bankruptcy lawyer really expect to be paid?
groudhog- the new white meat!
sometimes i think of kids as the left testicle of socitey. i think that makes grown-ups the large intestine and part of the lungs. i'm not sure though.
Don't fight ugly people, they've got nothing to lose
Before you make fun of someone, walk a mile in there shoes. Then make fun of them all you want because your a mile away and you have there shoes!
When will Justin Timberlake die?!!?!?!?!
My perdiction for the next fad= shaving ferrets!
Something can't "new & improved" If it's new, there's nothing like it before; and if it's improved, there'd have to be something before it-Dennis Leary
what's the point of the Ed pic with a chicken on his tounge down at the bottom? Who cares when it's that darn funny!! hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha, ahhhhhh.........hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa h!
why does everyone always click the "don't click here" link when they first come to the site? why? i'll tell you why... PEOPLE ARE STUPID!!!
seriously, who let the dogs out??? *voice breaking up* come on, this is tearing me up inside....I NEED ANSWERS!
!trams nmad ytterp er'uoy, tuo siht erugif nac uoy fI
NOW YOU'RE ALL CONFUSED FROM THE THING ABOVE AND NOW IT WILL STEW IN YOUR MIND FOREVER UNTIL YOU FIGURE IT OUT! AND BY THE TIME YOU FIRGURE IT OUT, YOU'LL BE DEAD!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! DIE IDIOT DIE!!
you know, if Jennifer Lopez keeps up this marrying different guys thing long enough, J.Lo and I will be married in about 225 days for just about 24 seconds. Depending on the strength of the Yen, of course.
If life gives you lemons, throw them back because life sucks!!!!
i remember one time when i was young; A man in a black and white striped suit and chains jumped from behind a bush and told me if i didn't get some food and something to get the chains off, he would come back a kill all of my family........I wonder whatever happened to that guy...
to truely understand what mandkind, we have to look at the two words that make up mandkind; "Mank" and "Ind" and those words are mysteries, and so is mankind
why did the bad guys in really old super-man comics always throw there guns at super-man when they ran out of bullets??"oh crap, i'm out of bullets! surely tossing my gun at him will stop him when many many bullets didn't!!"
when life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in a squirt-gun and nail people in the eye!!
i kinda wish evil space aliens would come and take over the world and make us there pets...because i really want one of those little bed things with my name on it.
don't fight ugly people, they've got nothing to lose
i see dumb people
i still see dumb people
why do "rednecks" hardly ever have necks that are red?
is the name of the store Pets Mart or Pet Smart?????
why is the government cracking down on people who make porn? shouldn't they crack down on the people who watch and use the porn?.........you know what, forget that last little remark.......
Dusty cracked corn and i don't care
David cracked corn, still don't care
Jeremy cracked corn and he is great!!
take that you stupid corn!!
now that i think about, if jimmy cracked corn and no one cared...why did they right a song about his corn cracking experience?? someone must have cared enough, am i right??
just incase no one else has noticed... everything that matters to our very survival is run by friggen' morons!! government, road systems, government, this web-site................wait.......yeah that's right
why is it that list always has the new stuff at the bottom? it'd just make since to do it the other way, wouldn't it?
There's an old saying that goes like "an enemy of an enemy is a friend" If that's true, than shouldn't a friend of a friend be an enemy?
If I could choose just 1 person to sit down with and have dinner with, dead or alive.........I would have to choose alive because dinner with a dead person is just creepy and kind of depressing.
i remember seeing my grandmother as a little boy.... which is kinda disturbing seeing your grandma dressed as a little boy. (this one could take some time to understand)
*DISCLAIMER* the veiws in this posts are not nessacarly held by the person who posted it(Gee!).
Got it of some blog site after googling the words funny crap
Registered Members don't see these ads. Register now it's free!
you know, if Jennifer Lopez keeps up this marrying different guys thing long enough, J.Lo and I will be married in about 225 days for just about 24 seconds. Depending on the strength of the Yen, of course.
Just long enough to consumate the marriage, huh Gee.
Location: Sun Devil Stadium, Sect 27, Row 34, Seat 8
Posts: 9,613
A$FN: 6,008
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4A. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Location: Sun Devil Stadium, Sect 27, Row 34, Seat 8
Posts: 9,613
A$FN: 6,008
*The hangover star rating*
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache... Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.
Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover(*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.
Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't.
No one wants to hear me sing.
Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
:suckerforsillyjokes:
Linear Mode
