Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak

40yearfan · September 27th, 2005, 10:00 AM

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one
is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take
the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's typ e I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I che! cked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over
and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing , he calmly pulled up
his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches
you pr omised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but
half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

krepitch · September 27th, 2005, 10:07 AM

:notworthy

Yuma · September 28th, 2005, 04:23 AM

Jersey Girl · September 28th, 2005, 07:10 AM

Funny! Two more "nuts" stories.

My friend worked at McDonald's in high school. A guy came in and ordered a sundae and my friend asked if he wanted nuts. He said "No, I already have some." She turned red!

My late uncle who loved pistachios was getting ready to head out one night. My cousin (his son) asked where he was going. My Uncle said "I'm gonna run down to Wawa (local convenience store) and grab my nuts." It was hysterical! We still talk about that story to this day!

Assface · September 28th, 2005, 07:16 AM

I'm guilty of not thinking before I talk. A few months ago at work my coworker was trying to close a cabinet but couldn't get it to latch. It's the metal kind that has the poles that go through holes at the top and bottom. The one at the top was being difficult so he said, "I'm having trouble getting it in the hole" to which I replied, "just give it a few drinks." That's when I remembered that there was a lady standing next to me. I got a smack on the arm for that one.

Jersey Girl · September 28th, 2005, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Assface

I'm guilty of not thinking before I talk. A few months ago at work my coworker was trying to close a cabinet but couldn't get it to latch. It's the metal kind that has the poles that go through holes at the top and bottom. The one at the top was being difficult so he said, "I'm having trouble getting it in the hole" to which I replied, "just give it a few drinks." That's when I remembered that there was a lady standing next to me. I got a smack on the arm for that one.

Now THERE'S the Assface I know and love!

DeAnna · September 28th, 2005, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Assface

I'm guilty of not thinking before I talk.

Nah, really??

justAndy · September 28th, 2005, 11:26 AM

A large breasted co-worker of mine asked me if I thought she was too thick.
For some reason she was not pleased when I told her "Well, your boobs and hips are proportional".

40yearfan · September 28th, 2005, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andikrist

A large breasted co-worker of mine asked me if I thought she was too thick.

I would have said "Since I don't have a measuring tape, I'll just have to wrap my arms around you to see."

marathon_mom · September 28th, 2005, 02:21 PM

Dang people! Didn't you watch "The Office" last night to learn about sexual harrassment policies?

I smell lawsuit Assface & Andi.

(I thought Andi's comment was clever, BTW.)

justAndy · September 28th, 2005, 03:25 PM

it was on th eweekend at a bar - not at work.
At work I am as restrained as a priest.
Oops - not a good analogy...

Assface · September 28th, 2005, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andikrist

At work I am as restrained as a priest.
Oops - not a good analogy...

I hope you don't work at a daycare.

NSD_Blonde · September 28th, 2005, 05:38 PM

I have actually been guilty of this myself:

It was a glorious Arizona evening, and I was standing in a group with several other women, and our male professor--on break, just chitchatting. Somehow the subject turned to men and women, and how many are rendered defenseless when a woman cries... So, my mind still on the women crying part, failed to hear that they had moved back to just men and women in general, and I said, "What's really great is when you can make them come on command." I sooooo meant the tears!! Everyone just looked at me for a minute and then started laughing--I turned so red and laughed until I cried... My professor then said, "Wow, you are one controlling woman." Somehow, I still got an A...

A few years before that, I was working as a hostess in an fine dining hotel restaurant. A group of two women and two male co-workers (you could tell by their interactions) came into the restaurant. I asked if they wanted smoking or non-smoking. To which one of the males replied, "I only smoke after sex." To which I replied, "So, I guess you won't be smoking this evening." Thankfully, they took it well...

Jersey Girl · September 29th, 2005, 05:34 AM

This morning at the before-school program the kids were playing ball tag and basketball in the gym. A teacher walked in so I wanted to make sure that no one hit her with a ball. I yelled out "Okay, everybody hold their balls!" Funny how none of the elementary kids laughed, but I sure did!