40yearfan

Hard to believe, but another year has almost passed.
Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are
awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner,
thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

This year's nine nominees are:


Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.


Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns
got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath
so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns'
clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns
"wrapped in the drive shaft."


Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to
death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing
telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a
Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
(For whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure
prominently among the Darwin nominees.)


Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged
24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into
the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as
he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm
Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

(Nice to see another Canadian province getting into the awards.... The
Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)


Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the
death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no
mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas
in
his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage . It
was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in
his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it
wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom.
According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for
creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was
hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird
posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's
electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced
to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell
attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted.

(South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)


Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN.
A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in
his
face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor
was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gunpowder ignited.


Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment
in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred,
said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears
that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
(Another Ontario entry ... I wonder if people are moving there from the
Maritime Provinces.)


Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck
left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38
early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident
shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy
Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a
frog-gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck
headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse
on the older-model truck had burned out. Since a replacement fuse was
not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullet from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering- wheel column. Upon
inserting the bullet, the headlights began to operate properly, and the
two men proceeded eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After
traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident,
but he will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a
broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on
that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead,"
stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the
world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would
admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of
their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules,
it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself
from the gene pool.)

Dback Jon

__________________


R.I.P Tim Minnick

The KING of Cards