40yearfan

Actual writings from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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“So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn’t find honest employment.” —Mark Twain

arthurracoon

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Signed,

arthurpostpadder

SouthNZoneFan

My favorite is Number 1...

So freakin funny...

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You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.
- Yogi Berra

vince56

#17 is great.

DeAnna

#21

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Yeah, I got some Cardinal Kool-Aid but I didn't add the sugar!

krepitch

This joke reminded me of 40's jokeposting for some reason:

Wedding Bells

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are
all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to
discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob
suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes
for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

40yearfan

Love it.

__________________
“So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn’t find honest employment.” —Mark Twain

marathon_mom

#4. :o

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Diets STILL suck!

40yearfan

Self diagnosis?

__________________
“So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn’t find honest employment.” —Mark Twain

MikeOnTheMic

#24

Linderbee

I can relate to #25...

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dreamcastrocks--My Hero!!

marathon_mom

You got that right!

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Diets STILL suck!